WALKING AWAY FROM LOVE 💔
ONE OF THE MOST DIFFICULT THINGS WE CAN DO
Especially in these challenging times, where hope becomes more scarce by the day and we seem to have less to look forward to than ever, the one thing that can keep us going is love. I know that may sound a bit trite, but some things just don’t get old and stay true. Just imagine what it’s like when something wonderful happens to you. Who do you want to share it with? I guess more with people you love and who love you than with people who don’t care about you. It is not without reason that love conquers (almost) all.
When we find love, this wild and passionate love, especially true love, and try to rationalise it – we are doomed. When we walk away from this kind of love out of reason or duty we deny ourselves the life we deserve and should live. In the course of my life, I have learned a lot about love and yet when it hits you, you realise that you know nothing, simply because every love is a little (or a lot) different - perhaps a topic for another day. When you fall in love… well, what should I say? If you have fallen in love you know what I mean and if not this will all sound like gibberish anyway. No matter what your age, you will inevitably feel like a teenager when it hits you!
“You can’t blame someone for walking away if you didn’t do anything to make them stay.”
Love is the one thing that gives us the strength we need to conquer the impossible. It is what makes us invincible at times. Love is one of the few things in life that is abundant and limitless.
I think we can all agree though that life is not a romance novel with a tacky H.E.A. And if you expect that, you will probably, in the end, always walk away from love, simply because love is not always perfect.
“Learning to walk away is hard but staying to suffer is harder.” — Mariel Avila
I have walked away from love in my life and at other times love walked away from me. Sometimes we walk away because the love for a person changes or just disappears. Perhaps the flame of love becomes so small that it is no longer sufficient to warm your heart. If despite all efforts, you feel that the suffering is greater than the joy, in the long run, you should check whether it makes more sense to release that person. Sometimes this is more merciful than unnecessarily prolonging something that only causes suffering on all sides. Life is simply too short for that.
“Most of us need something not to walk away from.” — Josh Stern
Far too often people look at what they have on the debit side in their lives and forget all the wonderful things they have on the credit side. We can be so quick to complain and feel sorry for ourselves. We simply need to remind ourselves more often of all the reasons to stay… We all know that people change and evolve over time and it helps to fact-check once in a while if we can and want to keep up and live with these changes and developments and of course, if this development is going in the same direction.
“The moment you feel like you have to prove your worth to someone is the moment to absolutely and utterly walk away.” — Alysia Harris
In my twenties, I was once in a relationship where this happened and I didn’t even realise it. I felt unworthy and thought I am not good enough. I even believed I was not worth being loved and began doubting myself. I thought I have to try harder and it took me some time to understand that it was not me, I was not at fault, I was just in love. It took me a while to make my peace and to understand that that is my past and not my future - we all live and hopefully learn.
“Never forget that walking away from something unhealthy is brave, even if you stumble a little on your way out the door.”
And yet it is one of the hardest things to walk away from someone you still love. When you just don’t want to admit that the relationship has become not only unhealthy but downright toxic. The short moments of highs do not make up for the long moments of lows. When the balance is completely out of whack, it may be time to walk away. It really takes a fair amount of courage to turn your back on someone who still means a lot to you and walk.
“If you start to miss me, remember….I didn’t walk away, you’re the one who let me go…”
It can be difficult to know when to fight for your love and when to let go! Joy and pain can lie so close together. In every relationship, in every love, no matter how great, there are ups and downs. The ups are to be enjoyed and savoured to the fullest, and the downs are to be overcome and endured together. This is possible as long as the love is strong enough, as long as the trust and mutual respect are intact and the willingness to endure these times is present in both partners. You could try and use the 7 Rules for a healthy relationship, which I published about a year ago, or use them as a reminder of what is essential in every relationship.
If you haven’t read them, here are the links to the series:
“The worst mistake you can make is to walk away from the person who actually stood there and waited for you.”
Finding out if it is the right thing to do to walk away from love or when it is worth fighting for it with all you’ve got is never simple. Sometimes you simply need time to figure this out and then again it can be crystal clear very quickly. But no matter what anyone else may try to tell you, take your time to find out for yourself whether you want to walk away or fight for your love. You are the only one who can listen to your heart as you will be the one that has to live with the decision and possibly with the regret of having made the wrong one.
🎶My Song of the Week
Is one that was suggested to me by Spotify and is simply amazing - Need Her So Bad - Aynsley Lister
For more good music, go to this Spotify playlist where you can find all the songs from the Change & Evolve Letters!
📚My Poem of the Week
Is by Emily Brontë (1818-1848)
Long Neglect Has Worn Away
Long neglect has worn away Half the sweet enchanting smile; Time has turned the bloom to grey; Mould and damp the face defile. But that lock of silky hair, Still beneath the picture twined, Tells what once those features were, Paints their image on the mind. Fair the hand that traced that line, ‘Dearest, ever deem me true’; Swiftly flew the fingers fine When the pen that motto drew.
👀Impressions
Lake Starnberg once again, a love I will eventually walk away from…
If you would like to connect with me, find out more about the Enneagram and yourself, and how it can transform you and your life, I would be happy to take the time for a speed coaching call that you can reserve right here go to my website or simply hit reply and get in touch with me directly.
Did you ever have to walk away from love or has love ever walked away from you? I would love to hear about it. In the meantime, I wish you an amazing weekend and look very much forward to hearing from you.
Yours
Tanja 🤗
Thank you, MisterY, for your feedback and also for your insight - I agree that a love shared will never be lost!