7 RULES FOR A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP
Rule #2
Relationships can be so very difficult and trying at times and one of the most challenging things is…
Not addressing issues you have in a relationship openly and honestly can lead to
1. those little things you don’t say can begin to suffocate you
2. the things you once found endearing drive you up the wall
3. a small issue can become bigger and bigger
4. if the issues sum up, you risk exploding out of nowhere and for no apparent reason, risking an otherwise wonderful relationship
5. you start feeling resentful towards your partner…
Some consequences keep showing up. We all prefer harmony and peace in our relationships. We want the happily ever after. What we don’t realize most of the time is that relationships need to be cared for to preserve them and it takes effort from both partners to make it work.
Addressing issues before they escalate is something that is so difficult for many of us, simply because often we are terrified of opening Pandora’s Box. One thing can lead to another and it can quickly turn into a blame game - which is pretty much the worst path to take.
So how do you not fall into that trap?
When you have an issue you want to address, make sure that whatever you do that you do not blame one another. I know how much easier it is to put the blame for a situation on someone else but in the end, it will lead you nowhere and, above all, it is anything but goal-oriented or constructive. On the contrary, you may win a battle but you are at serious risk of losing the war.
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Instead, how about trying a more constructive approach – and believe me, I know how difficult that is when emotions are involved. I am the first to admit that sometimes you just need to vent and blow your top, channel those emotions and let them out. We cannot always be controlled and disciplined. That is ok as long as you manage to take a step back, take a deep breath, and help your partner understand – without blame and accusations – and find a solution together. Be straightforward when you have an issue, don’t beat around the bush or play games – that is just tedious – and be honest. This might sometimes be painful but see it as the infamous ripping off the band-aid quickly. More often than not you have more to gain than you have to lose.
„Hurt me with the truth, but never comfort me with a lie.“ — Anon
And Ladies, I know that in most cases we want to talk about pretty much everything, as we often believe that everything is important. But trust me when I tell you it is not. Sometimes you just have to deal with things and not try and change the partner you fell in love with. If you want to change and train your partner, get a puppy.
And Gentlemen, take your partner seriously, even if you find some of the issues not worth discussing, perhaps give it a second thought as it might give you a better understanding of the person you love.
🎶My Song of the Day
It always comes down to communication and it was about time that Dire Straits made the list…
📚My Poem of the Day
H.D. or Hilda Doolittle (1886–1961) is the author of this magnificent poem…
Fragment 36
I know not what to do —
My mind is reft.
Is song's gift best?
Is love's gift loveliest?
I know not what to do,
Now sleep has pressed
Weight on your eyelids.
Shall I break your rest,
Devouring, eager?
Is love's gift best?
Nay, song's the loveliest.
Yet, were you lost,
What rapture could I take from song? —
What song were left?
I know not what to do:
To turn and slake
The rage that burns,
With my breath burn
And trouble your cool breath —
So shall I turn and take
Snow in my arms,
(Is love's gift best?)
Yet flake on flake
Of snow were comfortless,
Did you lie wondering,
Wakened yet unawake.
Shall I turn and take
Comfortless snow within my arms,
Press lips to lips that answer not,
Press lips to flesh
That shudders not nor breaks?
Is love's gift best? —
Shall I turn and slake
All the wild longing?
Oh, I am eager for you!
As the Pleiads shake
White light in whiter water,
So shall I take you?
My mind is quite divided;
My minds hesitate,
So perfect matched
I know not what to do.
Each strives with each:
As two white wrestlers,
Standing for a match,
Ready to turn and clutch,
Yet never shake
Muscle or nerve or tendon;
So my mind waits
To grapple with my mind —
Yet I am quiet,
I would seem at rest.
I know not what to do.
Strain upon strain,
Sound surging upon sound,
Makes my brain blind;
As a wave line may wait to fall,
Yet waiting for its falling
Still the wind may take,
From off its crest,
White flake on flake of foam,
That rises
Seeming to dart and pulse
And rend the light,
So my mind hesitates
Above the passion
Quivering yet to break,
So my mind hesitates above my mind
Listening to song's delight.
I know not what to do.
Will the sound break,
Rending the night
With rift on rift of rose
And scattered light?
Will the sound break at last
As the wave hesitant,
Or will the whole night pass
And I lie listening awake?
👀Impressions
I simply love to eat and I adore good food! There is no better way to have a great conversation than during a wonderful meal. This is a photo of one I had in Ireland with my daughter - BTW, I got her hooked on oysters…
Have a happy Tuesday and if you have an issue in your relationship, make sure you address it head-on and work it out!
Yours
Tanja 🤗