7 RULES FOR A HEALHY RELATIONSHIP
Rule #5
This one is probably my personal favorite – yes I admit it. It may not be the most important part of a relationship, but let’s be honest it is important nevertheless and can be so very enjoyable - otherwise, we would not make such a hullaballoo about it…
Making love to the person you are in love with and that you love is probably one of the most satisfying experiences you can have with another person and – as a side note – it is also very beneficial for your health and wellbeing.
Melting into one another, feeling so close you become one and forget everything around you, the smell of warm skin, the touching of lips, the taste of your lover is invigorating and is most certainly one of the things that help keep the relationship alive. Unfortunately, so many partners still do not dare to speak about sex. Speaking about something so intimate requires trust and respect on both sides.
Often relationships are even ended due to little, bad, or even no sex. I am sure there are people that are happy to live without it or have even accepted bad sex.
But let’s face it, life is much too short for bad (or no) sex.
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I have been asked how much sex per week is “normal” and I admit that the question made me laugh, as I have absolutely no idea. Also, I struggle with the label of what is considered normal in general. When it comes to lovemaking the frequency is dependent on so many factors. At the beginning of most relationships, you usually cannot keep your fingers to yourself and you are most likely a complete nuisance to a lot of people around you, showing off your infatuation constantly. After (more or less) three months, when the butterflies are not as active anymore, you will probably become less of a nuisance to your environment. With this very often the frequency of your love-making will decrease, sometimes even significantly. If both partners are ok with that it is obviously not an issue. But if one partner is not, that might be the beginning of a problem that can be avoided. Communicate with your loved one and find the common ground, there is so much to gain.
But as I mentioned, sex is not everything and a life without it is possible but simply not as much fun. I know there can be circumstances when it is not possible anymore and a good and strong relationship can certainly cope with that, but I am speaking about sexually active and able adults.
If you don’t feel satisfied with your love life and are too shy to address your wishes or phantasies (which is often more difficult in a long term relationship), why not try gently showing your partner what you would like, guide your partner, and help to make her/him a better lover and with that, yourself as well. You can try bringing some wonderfully scented oil or even some toys into the game. There is no limit to your imagination and if there is something your partner does not like, always respect the boundaries. There is absolutely no harm though in testing and sometimes even pushing these boundaries just a little. You might be in for quite a pleasant surprise.
“So she thoroughly taught him that one cannot take pleasure without giving pleasure, and that every gesture, every caress, every touch, every glance, every last bit of the body has its secret, which brings happiness to the person who knows how to wake it. She taught him that after a celebration of love the lovers should not part without admiring each other, without being conquered or having conquered, so that neither is bleak or glutted or has the bad feeling of being used or misused.” ― Hermann Hesse, Siddhartha
But ALWAYS accept a No as a No and not as a maybe or an invitation to try harder.
There are so many ways to spice up your love life, you just need to be a little creative and try to remember how it was at the very beginning of your relationship when you could not get enough of one another - perhaps even take a walk down memory lane with your loved one. The one thing you should avoid at all costs though is pressure. There are no guarantees that you can revive your love life if it has gone down or even away, but you will never know if you do not try!
🎶My Song of the Day
This is a song that invites you to make love - over and over and over again… Just put it on repeat!
📚My Poem of the Day
In his poem “The Ecstacy”, John Donne (1572-1631) is arguing that the only way two lovers’ souls can truly become unified - the only way that two can become one, is through bodily union…
The Ecstasy
Where, like a pillow on a bed
A pregnant bank swell'd up to rest
The violet's reclining head,
Sat we two, one another's best.
Our hands were firmly cemented
With a fast balm, which thence did spring;
Our eye-beams twisted, and did thread
Our eyes upon one double string;
So to'intergraft our hands, as yet
Was all the means to make us one,
And pictures in our eyes to get
Was all our propagation.
As 'twixt two equal armies fate
Suspends uncertain victory,
Our souls (which to advance their state
Were gone out) hung 'twixt her and me.
And whilst our souls negotiate there,
We like sepulchral statues lay;
All day, the same our postures were,
And we said nothing, all the day.
If any, so by love refin'd
That he soul's language understood,
And by good love were grown all mind,
Within convenient distance stood,
He (though he knew not which soul spake,
Because both meant, both spake the same)
Might thence a new concoction take
And part far purer than he came.
This ecstasy doth unperplex,
We said, and tell us what we love;
We see by this it was not sex,
We see we saw not what did move;
But as all several souls contain
Mixture of things, they know not what,
Love these mix'd souls doth mix again
And makes both one, each this and that.
A single violet transplant,
The strength, the colour, and the size,
(All which before was poor and scant)
Redoubles still, and multiplies.
When love with one another so
Interinanimates two souls,
That abler soul, which thence doth flow,
Defects of loneliness controls.
We then, who are this new soul, know
Of what we are compos'd and made,
For th' atomies of which we grow
Are souls. whom no change can invade.
But oh alas, so long, so far,
Our bodies why do we forbear?
They'are ours, though they'are not we; we are
The intelligences, they the spheres.
We owe them thanks, because they thus
Did us, to us, at first convey,
Yielded their senses' force to us,
Nor are dross to us, but allay.
On man heaven's influence works not so,
But that it first imprints the air;
So soul into the soul may flow,
Though it to body first repair.
As our blood labors to beget
Spirits, as like souls as it can,
Because such fingers need to knit
That subtle knot which makes us man,
So must pure lovers' souls descend
T' affections, and to faculties,
Which sense may reach and apprehend,
Else a great prince in prison lies.
To'our bodies turn we then, that so
Weak men on love reveal'd may look;
Love's mysteries in souls do grow,
But yet the body is his book.
And if some lover, such as we,
Have heard this dialogue of one,
Let him still mark us, he shall see
Small change, when we'are to bodies gone.
👀Impressions
A beautiful place to make love…
Wishing you an amazing start to your weekend and make love as often as possible with the one you love!
Yours
Tanja 🤗