7 RULES FOR A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP
Rule #1
It's really amazing and I was overwhelmed and surprised by the response I received to my last newsletter SOULMATES. It seems to have struck a nerve that I didn't expect. I was incredibly happy about the exchange with you. It is always the greatest compliment to get feedback. Thank you to everyone who wrote to me.
But now to our topic!
Can it really be that simple? Just follow seven simple rules for a healthy long-lasting relationship? Admittedly relationships are not quite that simple but if you take a few things into account, make them conscious and bring them into your relationship once in a while, I believe it can be.
So here are my very personal and very incomplete…
I could just list them but I thought it might be more fun to go into a little detail on my personal 7 Rules for a Healthy Relationship, and even give one or the other practical example. So here is…
Going to bed angry can have several (unpleasant) consequences:
1. you don’t sleep well
2. the anger usually builds up and gets worse
3. it starts to eat you up from the inside
4. your next day starts badly
5. you possibly start feeling resentful towards your partner
I believe the biggest issue in most relationships is – and here I go again – SIMPLE. In most cases, it comes down to bad or even non-existant communication. And it is irrelevant if you are in a heterosexual or homosexual relationship.
I think most of us know the following situation:
She/He: “Darling you look so stressed and seem to be in a bad mood. Is something wrong, what happened?”
He/She: “Nothing, I’m fine.”
She/He: “But I can see you are upset about something. Why don’t you tell me?
This can start an endless discussion that can end in a real fight leaving both in a foul spirit – your day or evening and a good night’s sleep is probably ruined.
How about trying this:
She/He: “Darling you look so stressed and seem to be in a bad mood. Is something wrong, what happened?”
He/She: “I had a stressful day today and my head is too full. I just need a little time to process and wind down. But thank you for asking and caring and be assured it has nothing to do with you.”
Of course, this works both ways so you could and should also consider a different approach:
When you see your partner in a bad mood, stressed, or think your partner is upset how about just giving them some space.
She/He: “Darling you look so stressed and seem to be in a bad mood. Is there something I can do to cheer you up or help? Or do you just need a little time to wind down?”
So for both partners, if you tweak your way to communicate just a little your lives can be so much easier.
I know this is only one and also a very simplified example, but you understand that it really doesn’t take all that much to take the pressure out of a situation and see things from a slightly different perspective.
Communicating does not necessarily mean that you have to talk about every tiny little issue in your relationship. Very often it is just about that bit of reassurance, the reassurance that the two of you are OK.
Sometimes we do not communicate because we do not want to burden our partner and protect the one we love from something. Always consider that it is rather patronizing to think and decide for someone else, even if your intentions are good.
If you would like to connect with me, find out more about the Enneagram and yourself, how it can transform you and your life, I would be happy to take the time for a speed coaching call that you can reserve right here go to my website or simply hit reply and get in touch with me directly.
🎶My Song of the Day
Is one of the most beautiful love songs I know - „The Book of Love“, Peter Gabriel
📚My Poem of the Day
Sir Walter Raleigh (1552-1618) poem “What Is Our Life” encapsulates how life should not be taken too seriously. Considering this, there is no reason to go to bed angry…
What Is Our Life
WHAT is our life? The play of passion.
Our mirth? The music of division:
Our mothers’ wombs the tiring-houses be,
Where we are dressed for life’s short comedy.
The earth the stage; Heaven the spectator is,
Who sits and views whosoe’er doth act amiss.
The graves which hide us from the scorching sun
Are like drawn curtains when the play is done.
Thus playing post we to our latest rest,
And then we die in earnest, not in jest.
👀Impressions
It had to be something with a heart today so I chose some photos from a walk I did in Austria a few years back - a beautiful day in Rettenschöss
Wishing you an amazing ❤️Valentines Day❤️- yes it’s tacky, so what, we need so much more tacky in this world - and whatever you do, don’t go to bed angry!
Yours
Tanja 🤗
Are you going to be sharing one rule per day this week? Or once a week? Either way I’m looking forward to it!