TRUST & RESPECT
CAN BE SO VERY FRAGILE
“Consistency is the true foundation of trust. Either keep your promises or do not make them.” — Roy T. Bennett
Trust can be a truly fragile thing, but I believe that it is the foundation on which ALL relationships are built. At our core we want to, we need to trust!
We come into this world with absolute innocent trust. We trust that we will be held safe by our parents and the people around us. Our survival depends on this absolute trust. It is our experiences that we make – the good and the ugly – in the course of our lives as well as our mindset that change our ability and the way we trust others and even ourselves.
Trust is integral to happy and fulfilling relationships, and it is true for all relationships, whether they are professional or personal. Without trust, relationships fail because the insecurities and resentment that arise from mistrust will grow stronger and eventually destroy the trust that was once the foundation of the relationship.
So building trust is absolutely crucial for the survival of your friendships, romantic relationships, family relationships, and even workplace connections.
So what makes us trustworthy people?
You can build trust by being open and transparent from the very beginning; being dependable, consistent, and reliable; and taking responsibility when things do not work out quite how you planned. This applies to personal as well as professional relationships.
The more you love and care for someone, the longer you are willing to put up with abuse of trust.
“Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.” — Maya Angelou
I am one of those people who gladly and (some consider me naive) always grants others advance trust. This is sometimes not easy as it makes you incredibly vulnerable. Just a while ago I trusted someone again who was very important in my life, who was very important to me, and this trust was betrayed once again – for the umpteenth time. Even with the greatest patience and love, at some point, even the last spark of trust extinguishes. To restore this is extremely difficult, if not impossible, especially if it was that one time too many and it saddens you to a breaking point.
“You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time.” — Abraham Lincoln
When you make the choice to trust someone despite repeated betrayal, despite absolute unreliability simply because you care, this will eventually come to an end when it is that one time too many. What that means depends on each individual’s capacity for suffering, it depends on the depth of the feeling and the importance of that person in your life.
So what can you do when you have lost that trust and faith in a person? One option is to forgive that person. Another is to simply let it go. Both are easier said than done but are the kindest to your own well-being and your soul.
Trust always makes us vulnerable. But when we decide to do so, the reward can be simply magnificent. It is our vulnerability after all that gives us our humanity – and trust is an integral part of that. So even if you feel betrayed, even if you have lost faith and trust, don’t stop believing that there are trustworthy people out there who will have your back, honour their promises and whose words do mean something. Do not let the bad experiences of your past influence your future all too much. Learn from your mistakes but never forget that giving a bit of advanced trust is a good thing, as can be not giving up on others all too quickly as well because:
“He who does not trust enough will not be trusted.” — Lao Tzu
Sadly losing trust often goes hand in hand with losing respect for someone.
“Respect is what we owe; love, what we give.”— Philip James Bailey
If our trust and faith in a person are repeatedly abused and disappointed, at some point we see that person in a different light and the things we have generously overlooked, which, as long as we trusted, we might have found charming and even endearing, suddenly repulse us. This is a clear sign that we have lost respect for this person or that it has at least suffered greatly.
So what can you do when you are the one that someone you truly care for, someone you do not want to give up has lost trust in you and with that the respect for you? I am a great friend of good and clear communication. In such a case, however, it is no longer enough just to communicate. Yes, an apology goes a long way but when trust and respect have suffered so much, actions must speak for themselves.
“Enough words have been exchanged; now at last let me see some deeds!” — Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe.
I truly believe that both trust and respect are not a matter of course; they are earned through one's behaviour and actions, not through one's words.
Admittedly there are certain entities who will most certainly not be able to restore my trust or my respect. One of them is the mainstream media - that ship has definitely sailed and has sunk! Politics is another. Well, quite frankly, I never had much faith in politics to begin with but what we are experiencing now is something I would have never been able to imagine in my worst nightmares. What is left is utter disgust. My trust in the general medical profession has also dwindled and I pray that I will never fall seriously ill and have to place myself in the hands of those who have gone through all this without a word and above all without resistance.
Nevertheless I know with a crazy certainty that all will be good again one day!
🎶My Song of the Week
Is this truly beautiful version of White Blank Page by Mumford & Sons
For more great music, go to this Spotify playlist where you can find all the songs from the Change & Evolve Letters!
📚My Poem of the Week
Is by the British poet D H Lawrence (1885-1930)
Trust
Oh we've got to trust one another again in some essentials. Not the narrow little bargaining trust that says: I'm for you if you'll be for me. - But a bigger trust, a trust of the sun that does not bother about moth and rust, and we see it shining in one another. Oh don't you trust me, don't burden me with your life and affairs; don't thrust me into your cares. But I think you may trust the sun in me that glows with just as much glow as you see in me, and no more. But if it warms your heart's quick core why then trust it, it forms one faithfulness more. And be, oh be a sun to me, not a weary, insistent personality but a sun that shines and goes dark, but shines again and entwines with the sunshine in me till we both of us are more glorious and more sunny.
👀Impressions
I chose this one of my cat Spock because this is what trust looks like to him… 🖖🏽
If you would like to connect with me, find out more about the Enneagram and yourself, and how it can transform you and your life, I would be happy to take the time for a speed coaching call that you can reserve right here go to my website or simply hit reply and get in touch with me directly.
Happy weekend to you all and if you enjoy my letter, give it a like and feel free to share it. I look forward to your comments.
Yours
Tanja 🤗