I resisted forgiveness of betrayal because I believed that to forgive would be to invite further betrayal. Withholding forgiveness became a defense mechanism, albeit a painful and self-defeating one.
What freed me from this trap were the words of my teacher who said to me, "All betrayals are self-betrayals." Upon hearing those words I let myself remember the moments when I had overriden a little voice that had warned me that I was about to compromise my integrity by engaging with those who could and would betray me.
Some part of us knows the nature of any given relationship at the outset. It will always guide and protect us if we heed its voice, but we think we know better. That is, until we learn the hard way. The lesson is so valuable we can't help but feel gratitude even toward our betrayers, who served as our teachers and who we now feel compassion for as being caught in their own traps.
Once we become true to ourselves, no longer ready to sell ourselves out at the drop of a hat, we can navigate relationships without fear, giving and receiving only in a healthy way, engaging and disengaging as guided to by the little voice.
What allowed me to finally forgive was the realization that there is nothing to forgive.
Great piece and you have done a great job with your own experience and some wonderful quotes. I wonder if forgiveness means letting go of pain? It seems to me that I have forgiven but then I have no desire to interact with people who have caused pain. It may not be forgiveness at the level of the heart but intellectual forgiveness which probably means little. I heard a short interview awhile ago of Malcolm Gladwell with Megan Kelly and it is worthwhile listening to - https://youtu.be/PcO5zIF1m8Q
Profound and beautifully presented. Thank you.
I resisted forgiveness of betrayal because I believed that to forgive would be to invite further betrayal. Withholding forgiveness became a defense mechanism, albeit a painful and self-defeating one.
What freed me from this trap were the words of my teacher who said to me, "All betrayals are self-betrayals." Upon hearing those words I let myself remember the moments when I had overriden a little voice that had warned me that I was about to compromise my integrity by engaging with those who could and would betray me.
Some part of us knows the nature of any given relationship at the outset. It will always guide and protect us if we heed its voice, but we think we know better. That is, until we learn the hard way. The lesson is so valuable we can't help but feel gratitude even toward our betrayers, who served as our teachers and who we now feel compassion for as being caught in their own traps.
Once we become true to ourselves, no longer ready to sell ourselves out at the drop of a hat, we can navigate relationships without fear, giving and receiving only in a healthy way, engaging and disengaging as guided to by the little voice.
What allowed me to finally forgive was the realization that there is nothing to forgive.
I am struggling to forgive the people who have perpetrated the wrongs we have endured these past two years…
Great piece and you have done a great job with your own experience and some wonderful quotes. I wonder if forgiveness means letting go of pain? It seems to me that I have forgiven but then I have no desire to interact with people who have caused pain. It may not be forgiveness at the level of the heart but intellectual forgiveness which probably means little. I heard a short interview awhile ago of Malcolm Gladwell with Megan Kelly and it is worthwhile listening to - https://youtu.be/PcO5zIF1m8Q