HOW TO OFFEND EVERYONE IN 5 EASY STEPS 🖕🏼

A SURVIVAL GUIDE TO THE AGE OF OUTRAGE

Welcome to the Age of Outrage

Congratulations, dear reader! If you’ve made it through the first three sentences of this article without already clutching your pearls, reporting me to HR, or threatening me with a boycott on X, you deserve a medal. Or, at the very least, a participation trophy. Because let’s face it: in today’s cultural climate, simply existing is enough to offend someone.

And not just someone. No, no. I mean, everyone!

I am just so unbelievably tired of this culture of political correctness, especially as that changes not by the hour or minute, but by the second. Who is supposed to keep up?

We live in an era where offence-taking has gone from an occasional pastime—like stamp collecting or cross-stitching—to a full-blown professional sport. Gone are the days when people could shrug off a joke, roll their eyes at an opinion, or (heaven forbid) engage in actual conversation. Now, offence is currency. The more outraged you are, the higher your social stock. The more offended you appear, the louder your voice is heard. It’s a new kind of economy, one not measured in dollars or euros, but in hashtags, retweets, and most of all, the moral high ground.

So, how do you survive in this brave new world of hypersensitivity? More importantly, how do you thrive? Because let’s be clear—you don’t just want to tiptoe around in fear of offending others. That’s utterly boring. No, you want to become an offence-artist. A Picasso of provocation. A Mozart of micro-aggressions. You want to wield offence like a conductor wields a baton, orchestrating the collective gasps of the perpetually outraged.

Lucky for you, I’ve cracked the code—or have I? We will see. After countless hours of field research (also known as scrolling through X while nibbling chocolate), I believe I have identified the exact formula for offending absolutely everyone, no matter their background, ideology, or taste in music. And best of all, it really only takes five simple steps.

Now, before we dive into these steps, let’s clarify one important point: offence is no longer something you accidentally stumble into. No, offence is now an inevitability. It’s like gravity or death or the fact that your phone battery will always die just when you need Google Maps the most. Offence is built into the system. And it doesn’t even matter what you say. You could post a picture of a sandwich, and somewhere, somehow, someone will find a way to interpret that as a personal attack.

“Why a ham sandwich? Do you hate vegans?”
“Oh, so gluten is okay for you? Check your privilege.”
“White bread? Really? That’s colonialism on a plate.”

The problem is, in today’s world, even silence can be offensive. Didn’t speak up about the issue of the day? Cancelled. Spoke up, but not loud enough? Cancelled. Spoke up too loudly? Definitely cancelled. Basically, unless you are broadcasting your outrage at the exact pitch, frequency, and moral purity of the current hive mind, you’re toast. And even then, someone will probably be upset that you chose toast.

So what’s the solution? You could try to play it safe. Keep your head down, stay quiet, wear beige, and never express a single original thought ever again. But where’s the fun in that? You’ll still end up offending someone eventually, and then you’ll have wasted all that energy trying to avoid it.

Or, you could simply embrace the chaos. You could stop worrying about whether you will offend someone and instead focus on how much you can offend them. Think of it as leaning into the skid. If the world insists on being a perpetual outrage factory, why not become the star performer on the assembly line?

That’s where this “guide” comes in. What follows are five tried-and-true steps to offending everyone—yes, everyone—in today’s hypersensitive culture. Follow these steps carefully, and you’ll be guaranteed to spark at least a dozen angry subtweets, two think pieces about your “dangerous rhetoric,” and maybe even a petition to have you de-platformed. And honestly, isn’t that the dream?

So buckle up, my brave provocateur. Take a deep breath (but not too deep, we’ll get to that in a minute). Sharpen your wit, brace yourself for the incoming outrage tsunami, and let’s begin our journey into the art of offending everyone in five easy steps. And I promise, it has never been easier.

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Step 1: Breathe Wrong

Ah yes, the most basic human function: breathing. A simple, unconscious act that keeps you alive. Or, in 2025, the most controversial political statement you can make.

See, in normal times—say, a thousand years ago, and perhaps you even remember bits of these—breathing was considered… how shall I put it… normal. Nobody accused you of being “problematic” because you inhaled slightly more air than your neighbour. But in the Age of Outrage, the stakes are so much higher. Now, even breathing wrong is enough to get you canceled.

Let’s try to break this down.

Breathing Too Loudly

If you breathe loudly in public, congratulations—you are now officially “aggressive.” Your nostrils have weaponised themselves against the community. Someone will tweet about how your audible inhalation was a micro-aggression that disrupted their safe space.

Never mind that you just got over a cold and your sinuses haven’t quite recovered. Nope. Context doesn’t matter. Your loud breathing is a hostile act, and society must hold you accountable. Prepare to issue a public apology in Notes app format: “I’m deeply sorry for my respiratory violence. I will be undergoing oxygen sensitivity training.”

Breathing Too Quietly

On the flip side, if you breathe too quietly, you’re passive-aggressive. Why aren’t you breathing louder? Do you have something to hide? Are you plotting something sinister? “The way he sat there, barely breathing, was so intimidating. Honestly, I felt unsafe.”

See how that works? You cannot win.

Breathing at All

But here’s the real kicker: if you breathe at all, you’re guilty of carbon privilege. That’s right, your selfish act of oxygen consumption produces carbon dioxide, which contributes to climate change, which means you personally just killed three polar bears, a penguin, and half a coral reef.

Don’t argue—it’s science. Somewhere on TikTok, an influencer will make a video blaming your breathing for melting glaciers while she lectures you in front of her 12th ring light. It will go viral. You will trend on X. By the next morning, Greenpeace will be at your door with a petition demanding that you exhale less.

And before you ask: no, holding your breath isn’t an option either. Because if you do that, you’ll be accused of “performative silence.” Someone will write a think piece titled “The Oppressive Symbolism of Breath-Holding in Late Capitalism.”

Solutions? Oh, There Are None. I mean it.

At this point, you might be wondering: how can I breathe in a way that won’t offend anyone? Short answer: you can’t. But long answers are just more fun, so let’s consider your options.

• Breathing through a mask: Too cautious. Someone will say you’re virtue signalling.

• Breathing without a mask: Too reckless. Someone else will say you’re literally murdering grandmothers.

• Breathing filtered air through a machine: Classist. Not everyone can afford an oxygen tank, you elitist pig.

• Not breathing at all: Problem solved! Except… now you’re dead. Which, of course, will offend someone for being inconsiderate enough to traumatise them with your corpse.

Real-Life Examples (Because Reality Is Stranger Than Satire)

Think back just a couple of years. Remember when people argued endlessly about mask mandates? People were genuinely furious—furious!—at how others were inhaling and exhaling. Breathing became a culture war battlefield. Do you inhale in solidarity with the government or exhale in defiance of it? Either way, someone’s angry.

And if you think that’s absurd, buckle up. Because if society can politicise breathing, it can politicise anything. (Spoiler: we’ll get there in the next steps.)

The Sarcastic Survival Tip

So, what’s the official survival guide recommendation here? Simple: stop being human. Humans breathe. Breathing offends. Therefore, if you want to stop offending people, you must evolve past humanity. Perhaps invest in becoming a potted plant. Plants only exhale oxygen, which might finally make you socially acceptable.

But be careful, don’t choose the wrong plant. If you become a cactus, you’ll be accused of being prickly and unwelcoming. If you become a rose, someone will say you’re a symbol of outdated romance. Honestly, your safest bet is probably a fern. Nobody ever got offended by a fern. Yet, or at least I think so…

Conclusion to Step 1

Breathing wrong is the fastest and easiest way to offend people in today’s hypersensitive world. The act of simply existing—taking in air and releasing it—is now a political act. And the beauty of it? You don’t even have to try. The outrage machine will find a way to make your biology problematic.

So don’t sweat it (although sweating is offensive too). For now, breathe however you like. Someone will be furious either way. You may as well enjoy it and stay alive a little longer.

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Step 2: Use Words—Any Words

If Step 1 taught us anything, it’s that merely existing is offensive. But if you really want to level up your outrage-inducing skills, you have to do something even more reckless, more audacious, more unforgivable than breathing.

You have to use words.

That’s right. Open your mouth (or worse, your keyboard), and suddenly you have entered a minefield where every syllable is a potential career-ending detonation. It doesn’t matter what you say, how you say it, or even if you meant the exact opposite of how it’s taken. Someone, somewhere, will find a way to be mortally offended.

The Dangerous World of “Problematic Vocabulary”

We used to have a category called “bad words.” You know—the ones your mom washed your mouth out with soap for saying. But in 2025, the concept has expanded - infinetely. Now any word can be a bad word, depending on who hears it and how they feel that day.

Say “guys” when greeting a mixed group? Sexist.
Say “ladies and gentlemen”? Too binary.
Say “folks”? Cultural appropriation (apparently, and I truly have no idea which culture is meant here).
Say nothing? Silence is violence.

The safe zone has shrunk so dramatically that soon the only acceptable form of greeting will be to raise your eyebrows vaguely while humming something in a neutral key. Until, of course, humming is accused of being offensive to the musically challenged.

Apologies Won’t Save You

Now, you might be thinking: “But if I accidentally offend someone with my words, I’ll just apologise.” Oh, you are so naive. Apologies don’t fix things anymore. They feed the outrage beast. Because once you’ve apologised, you’ve admitted guilt. And once you’ve admitted guilt, it doesn’t matter what your intent was—you are now branded forever as That Person.

Let’s say you make a joke at work, and someone doesn’t like it. You apologise, sincerely, with humility. What happens next? Does the offended party smile and say, “Thank you, I accept”? Of course not. They tweet about it: “So-and-so admitted to using harmful language in the workplace. HR has been notified.” By tomorrow, you’re on the evening news. By next week, you’re in a monastery in the Alps, milking goats and reflecting on your sins.

Dictionary Words Are Not Safe Either

Remember Boris Palmer, the German politician who got raked over the coals for using dictionary-listed words? That’s the world we live in now. Entire entries in the dictionary are radioactive. And dictionaries themselves are suspect, because who wrote them? Old white men. Which means every word is tainted. Including the word “word.”

Satire, Sarcasm, and the End of Humour

Oh, and don’t even think about being funny. Humour is dead. Irony? Cancelled. Satire? Offensive. Sarcasm? “Problematic, to say the least.” In fact, even this article is utterly offensive - just thought you should know. (If you haven’t reported me yet, don’t worry—you’ll find something in Step 3.)

Try making a joke in mixed company. No matter what you say, someone will take it literally, someone else will take it personally, and a third person will immediately draft a Medium essay explaining why your humour perpetuates systemic oppression. You thought you were being clever. Congratulations—you’ve just committed a hate crime in punchline form.

The Sarcastic Survival Tip

So, what’s the survival strategy here? Easy: stop using words altogether. Communicate exclusively through interpretive dance. Mime is probably safest (though, warning: miming a “wall” could be interpreted as political commentary, and pretending to be “stuck in a box” might offend people with claustrophobia).

If you absolutely must use words, stick to phrases like:

• “I agree with the current consensus.”

• “Your lived experience is valid.”

• “Everything you said is correct, and I have no thoughts of my own.”

Say those three lines on repeat, and you’ll survive most dinner parties without incident. Until someone accuses you of being robotic and emotionally unavailable.

Conclusion to Step 2

Using words in 2025 is like juggling chainsaws while blindfolded: it doesn’t matter how skilled you are, eventually you’re going to lose a limb. The only way to avoid offending someone with your vocabulary is to stop speaking, stop writing, and stop existing altogether.

But since Step 1 already showed us that existing is offensive, well… you’re doomed no matter what.

So go ahead—speak freely. Use words. Any words. Because no matter what you choose, someone will find a way to be outraged, and you may as well enjoy the fireworks.

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Step 3: Have an Opinion

If Step 1 (breathing) and Step 2 (using words) already felt risky, let me warn you: Step 3 is where we go full kamikaze. Because if there’s one thing more offensive than existing or speaking, it’s thinking for yourself.

That’s right. Having an opinion in 2025 is the ultimate social crime. Doesn’t matter if it’s a small opinion, a polite opinion, or even an opinion nobody asked for. The minute you have one, you’re basically poking a hornet’s nest armed with a selfie stick.

The Death of “Agree to Disagree”

Remember the good old days when people could just… disagree? When someone said, “I like pineapple on pizza,” and you said, “Well, I don’t,” and then you both moved on with your lives? Yeah, those days are gone.

Now, if you dare express an opinion that someone doesn’t share, you’re not just different—you’re dangerous. If you say you don’t like pineapple on pizza, you’ve suddenly declared war on tropical fruit culture, marginalised chefs, and the lived experience of pineapples everywhere. Expect a Change.org petition calling for your removal from polite society.

The Hierarchy of Acceptable Opinions

Here’s how it works: You’re technically allowed to have opinions, but only if they fit within the ever-shrinking box of “acceptable discourse.” Anything outside that box—anything—makes you a villain.

• Believe taxes are too high? You hate teachers and children.

• Believe taxes are fine? You’re a communist.

• Believe taxes don’t matter because money is imaginary? You’re spreading conspiracy theories.

No matter what you think, there’s a committee somewhere ready to categorise you as evil.

The Myth of “Safe Opinions”

“But wait,” you say. “I’ll stick to safe opinions, like ‘puppies are cute.’ Surely nobody can be offended by that.”

Wrong again. Someone will accuse you of privileging dogs over cats. Another will argue you’re ignoring the plight of endangered amphibians. A third will write an op-ed titled “The Fascist Subtext of Puppy Enthusiasm.” By the time you’ve finished defending yourself, you’ll wish you’d stayed silent.

The Social Media Guillotine

Of course, the real danger isn’t having an opinion in private—it’s having one in public. Enter social media, the modern-day guillotine. Platforms like Twitter (sorry, “X”) are basically Hunger Games arenas where people fight to the death with hot takes.

Post a thought—any thought—and the mob descends. They’ll screenshot it, strip it of context, and circulate it with captions like “THIS is who you’re supporting.” Your opinion is no longer yours; it’s a weapon others can use against you.

The scariest part? You don’t even have to have an unpopular opinion. Sometimes, agreeing with yesterday’s consensus is enough to get you canceled today, because the goalposts keep moving. What was progressive in 2018 is regressive in 2025. Didn’t keep up? Too bad. Off with your head. Just waiting for the day this post bites me…

Opinion vs. Thoughtcrime

It used to be that Orwell’s “thoughtcrime” was satire. Not anymore. Today, even hinting at independent thinking is enough to raise suspicion. You don’t have to say your opinion out loud. Just the wrong facial expression in a meeting, or an insufficiently enthusiastic clap at a speech, and suddenly you’re on a watchlist.

There’s even a new social phenomenon: “opinion pre-crime.” That’s when someone decides you’re about to have a problematic opinion, so they cancel you preemptively. It’s like Minority Report, but dumber.

The Sarcastic Survival Tip

So, what do you do? Simple: outsource your opinions. Don’t form your own. Just adopt whatever opinion is trending that day. Refresh your feed every morning and adjust accordingly:

• Monday: “Coffee is self-care.”

• Tuesday: “Coffee is colonialist exploitation.”

• Wednesday: “Coffee is a metaphor for systemic oppression.”

Never question, never doubt, never deviate. Just echo. You’ll survive, even if you sound like a parrot with Wi-Fi.

Alternatively, if you insist on having your own opinion, here’s the real survival strategy: have it silently in your head, smile politely, and never let it escape your lips. Which, of course, makes you a coward—but hey, at least you won’t get dragged on TikTok by a 17-year-old with a ring light.

Conclusion to Step 3

Having an opinion today is basically juggling lit matches in a fireworks factory. It doesn’t matter if you’re left, right, center, or completely apolitical. The mere act of thinking for yourself makes you dangerous. And that, my friend, is the ultimate irony: a culture that claims to celebrate “diversity” cannot tolerate the most basic form of it—diversity of thought.

So, the next time you feel a hot take bubbling up inside you, remember: silence is survival. Unless, of course, your silence is violence. In which case, you’re doomed either way.

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Step 4: Exist on the Internet

If Steps 1–3 (breathing, speaking, having opinions) weren’t already hazardous enough, here’s where the real gladiator match begins: logging on.

Because in 2025, existing on the internet isn’t just risky—it’s basically volunteering for a public execution where the mob brings the torches, the pitchforks, and a lifetime supply of hashtags.

The Internet Never Forgets

There was a time when the internet felt like a playground. You could share silly cat videos, argue about movies, and maybe even reconnect with an old high school friend. Today? It’s more like living inside a courtroom where everyone is both judge and executioner, and your entire browsing history is Exhibit A.

Remember that dumb tweet you wrote in 2011 when you were 16 and thought you were funny? Congratulations—it’s resurfacing. Someone has dug it up, stripped it of context, and is now presenting it as proof that you are history’s greatest monster.

And as mentioned, apologies don’t work. Clarifications don’t work. Screenshots are eternal. The internet doesn’t forgive, and it certainly doesn’t forget.

Cancel Culture: The Hunger Games of Morality

Existing online means you’re automatically entered into the world’s biggest reality show: Cancel Culture: Deathmatch Edition. At any moment, you can be “chosen” for cancellation. And the best part? You don’t even need to do anything wrong.

Maybe you liked the wrong post. Or you followed the wrong account. Or you were photographed standing near someone who, according to X detectives, once said something “problematic.” Doesn’t matter—guilt by association is the name of the game.

Once the mob decides you’re guilty, there’s no trial. No defence. Just instant execution by trending hashtag.

• Step 1: Someone posts your “crime.”

• Step 2: The mob retweets with increasingly dramatic outrage.

• Step 3: Influencers pile on to prove their moral purity.

• Step 4: Brands release statements severing ties with you.

• Step 5: You’re erased.

It’s like the Salem witch trials, except instead of dunking you in a pond, they dunk you in a 72-hour viral outrage cycle.

Everything Is Political

The scariest part of existing online today is that nothing is neutral anymore. Used to be you could post about your breakfast without controversy. Now?

• Post avocado toast → accused of flaunting privilege.

• Post bacon → accused of speciesism and climate denial.

• Post black coffee → accused of supporting “toxic grind culture.”

No matter what you share, someone will find a way to politicise it. Even selfies. (Too filtered = dishonest. Not filtered enough = “trauma dumping.”)

The Algorithmic Prison

Of course, the platforms themselves aren’t innocent. Algorithms reward outrage, meaning the most extreme, inflammatory takes rise to the top. Nuance? Dead. Thoughtfulness? Buried. Measured debate? LOL.

This creates a vicious cycle: you post something ordinary, someone twists it into something scandalous, the algorithm boosts it because drama = engagement, and suddenly you’re viral for all the wrong reasons.

Your punishment? Permanent placement on Google’s digital walk of shame. Search your name, and the first 10 results will forever be angry blogs calling you a monster.

The Sarcastic Survival Tip

So, how do you survive online in 2025? The obvious solution is: don’t go online at all. Delete your accounts, throw your phone into a river, and move to a cabin in the woods. Problem solved.

But let’s be real—you won’t. The dopamine hit of notifications is too strong. So here are some backup strategies:

1. Post Only Bland Content: Stick to sunsets, latte art, and generic inspirational quotes. (“Live, Laugh, Love” is safe… for now.)

2. Like Nothing: Don’t “like” posts. Don’t retweet. Don’t even click. Liking is the new signing-a-contract-in-blood.

3. Outrage Camouflage: If the mob comes for you, quickly join another mob. Nothing hides your sins like loudly condemning someone else.

4. Pre-emptive Cancellation: Cancel yourself before others do. Post: “I’m deeply sorry for my existence. I will now retreat into silence.” You’ll get sympathy points for humility.

Conclusion to Step 4

Existing on the internet today is like walking across a minefield blindfolded, while the crowd cheers for explosions. Every click, every like, every word is a potential trigger.

And here’s the ultimate paradox: in a world that preaches freedom of expression, the internet has become the least free place of all. You’re surveilled, judged, and punished in real time by strangers whose outrage is a currency—and your downfall is their payday.

So, should you risk existing online? Honestly, you don’t have a choice. Society demands it. Employers check your profiles, friends plan events there, and even protests are organised through hashtags. The only way to truly avoid the dangers of internet existence is to disappear completely.

But then again—disappearing has its own offence: it means you’re “not using your platform responsibly.”

So congratulations, you’re doomed either way.

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Step 5: Try to Be Normal

If you thought breathing, speaking, and existing online were already high-risk activities, wait until you try this next impossible feat: being normal.

What does “normal” even mean anymore? Spoiler: nothing. Because in 2025, normality is the greatest sin of all.

The Problem With Ordinary

Once upon a time, “normal” meant blending in. It meant you weren’t weird, you weren’t extreme, and you weren’t rocking the boat. You could just go about your day—eat, work, pay taxes, walk your dog—without being accused of crimes against humanity.

Today? Normal is offensive. Ordinary is suspicious. Average is dangerous.

Drink water? You’re excluding those who hydrate with kombucha.
Wear jeans? You’re perpetuating denim-based oppression.
Say “good morning”? Not everyone’s morning is good, you privileged monster.

Everything you do—even the most mundane—is now ripe for moral outrage.

The Daily Minefield

Let’s walk through a day in the life of someone just trying to be “normal.”

• Breakfast: You have eggs. Congratulations, you’ve just supported the industrial chicken complex, normalised animal slavery, and offended vegans worldwide. Should’ve had chia pudding.

• Commute: You drive to work. Oops. Climate criminal. Even if you cycle, someone will accuse you of “bike privilege.” (Not everyone can afford a €3.000 carbon-fiber e-bike, you know.)

• Work Greeting: You say, “Hey guys.” Uh oh. Gendered language! You’ve erased entire identities in two syllables.

• Lunch: You eat a sandwich. White bread. With ham. Honestly, at this point, you might as well declare yourself a fascist.

• Evening: You post a harmless picture of your cat. Someone accuses you of species favouritism and ignoring the plight of parakeets.

By bedtime, you’re exhausted—not from your day, but from dodging the moral landmines of simply existing like a halfway average human being.

The Fetish for Exceptionalism

Here’s the real kicker: you’re not even allowed to be content with being normal anymore. Everyone has to be special, exceptional, or radically unique.

• Don’t just jog, become a “movement evangelist.”

• Don’t just cook, become a “food activist.”

• Don’t just read a book, make it your “entire identity.”

Mediocrity used to be boring. Now it’s offensive. Because if you’re not aggressively curating a brand-new micro-identity every week, you’re seen as lazy, apathetic, or secretly dangerous.

When Normal = Privileged

Another reason “normal” is out of fashion? It’s been rebranded as “privilege.”

You think it’s normal to go grocery shopping without fear? Privilege.
You think it’s normal to walk down the street at night? Privilege.
You think it’s normal to say what you think without being fired? Definitely privilege.

Now, instead of being a neutral state, normality is framed as oppression. And your job, apparently, is to apologise for it. Loudly. Preferably in a 12-part Instagram story with a crying selfie.

The Sarcastic Survival Tip

So how do you survive when even being boring makes you a threat?

Here’s one option: lean into abnormality. Become so bizarre, so unpredictable, that nobody can figure out how to be offended. Show up to work wearing a chicken suit, speak only in pirate slang, and eat soup with a fork. Sure, people will be confused—but at least they won’t be able to put you neatly into a villain box. Although you might risk being committed.

The other option: weaponise normality. Be aggressively average on purpose. Order plain cheese pizza at fancy restaurants. Tell everyone your favourite color is beige. Start a podcast called “Mediocre Thoughts.” Maybe—just maybe—you’ll bore the mob into leaving you alone.

Conclusion to Step 5

Trying to be normal in 2025 is like trying to walk a tightrope in roller skates. Every “harmless” action is politicised, pathologised, or problematised.

And here’s the great irony: in a world screaming about diversity, uniqueness, and inclusion, the one thing that’s truly forbidden is being ordinary. The simple act of living a basic, unremarkable life has somehow become radical.

So go ahead, try to be normal. Just don’t be surprised when someone accuses you of “weaponising conformity” or “gaslighting the oppressed with your mediocrity.”

Because in today’s culture, even beige is a political statement.

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Congratulations, You’ve Offended Everyone

And there you have it. Five simple, foolproof steps to alienate every single person you’ve ever met.

1. Breathe → offensive.

2. Speak → dangerous.

3. Have Opinions → catastrophic.

4. Exist Online → suicidal.

5. Try to Be Normal → unforgivable.

If you’re keeping score, that means the mere act of existing in 2025 is basically a hate crime. Which makes all of us guilty, all of the time.

The silver lining? At least you’re not alone. Everyone is offending everyone else, constantly, without trying. And maybe—just maybe—that’s the most freeing thought of all. Because if everything is offensive, then maybe nothing really is.

So go ahead. Breathe. Speak. Think. Post. Be ordinary. You’ll offend someone no matter what you do, so you might as well do it with style.

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🎶My Song for you

As we are literally on the Highway to Hell, I thought this to be the perfect song- AC DC with Highway To Hell.

For more good music, go to this Spotify playlist where you can find all the songs from the Change & Evolve Letters!

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📚My Poem for you

Is by Philip Larkin (1922—1985)

This Be The Verse

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.   
    They may not mean to, but they do.   
They fill you with the faults they had
    And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
    By fools in old-style hats and coats,   
Who half the time were soppy-stern
    And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
    It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
    And don’t have any kids yourself.

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👀Impression

Now you know my dirty secret… Mr. Spock writes my newsletter… 🖖🏼

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Admittedly, I had great fun writing this and please tell me if I have managed to offend you? And if you weren’t offended, don’t worry — I’ll try harder next time.

Let me know your thoughts in the comments, leave a ❤️ or send me a message. I always love hearing from you.

Wishing you a fabulous weekend wherever you are (let me know how offensive that is)

Yours

Tanja 🤗

PS. You can now also find my podcast on Spotify

Change & Evolve and feel free to get in touch