DECISIONS 🤔
AND HOW WE MAKE THEM
Last week I took a journey into my past to be with a friend in need.
I've already mentioned a few times that my life has been rather colourful and somewhat different due to many moves.
I recently travelled back to a part of my past and had some amazing experiences.
Basically, this part of my past always felt somewhat negative. It was the time when I moved back to my old village with my family after about six years abroad. As a pubescent teenager, it was a move I wasn't afraid of, as I knew everyone from before and I even started school with many of them.
I won't bore you with the details, just that I was an alien. It was whispered behind closed doors that I had been abroad and spoke several languages, as if that was something to be afraid of. It goes without saying that I was sad and disappointed and probably behaved childishly and arrogantly. So I "fled" when I was 18 leaving that part of my life behind me easily.
But there were still one or the other contacts that remained - even if they were mostly superficial.
But back to my friend in need. She was left by her partner after 24 years for no real apparent reason and was not only in pain but in agony. We talked a lot on the phone over the past months and it was time for some face time. So I made the decision to organise myself, to organise my cats being fed on a regular basis and that my plants and balcony garden would be taken care of.
We hadn’t seen one another for 15 years and yet it somehow felt right. When I made the decision, I of course thought about it and what it meant for me and it became crystal clear…
I sometimes struggle with decisions and get caught up in my head going back and forth with all the worst case and best case scenarios. And often I do the exact opposite and just act without thinking much.
At the end of the day I have come to realise that decision making entails one major component.
„Sooner or later everyone sits down to a banquet of consequences.“ — Robert Louis Stevenson
No matter what decisions we make, the question is if we are prepared to bear the consequences - even if we don't know them.
I have been thinking about this a lot lately and no matter how much we mull things over in our heads, we can rarely predict the outcome 100%. Of course, we can weigh up the risks and ask ourselves whether it is worth it. But in the end, we have to bear the consequences either way. Looking back that is one of the most important lessons I tried to teach my children, that your actions and decisions always have consequences; some bad and some good.
You may say decision making is so much more complex and you may be right, yet I do like things to be simple, especially as I tend to often make things more complicated than necessary.
„Decisions are made by those who show up.“ — Aaron Sorkin
I travelled to my old home with mixed feelings and experienced one surprise after another - after all, almost 40 years had passed, so nothing was predictable.
I was pleasantly surprised how welcoming this very tight knit community was. Admittedly many did not recognise or even remember me whereas others recognised me immediately (after 40 years) and were nothing but open and kind. So, apart from being able to support a friend I had the opportunity to reconnect with others I had almost forgotten and could make peace with this part of my past. I truly enjoy the consequences of that rather spontaneous decision and will now happily go back to visit, knowing many doors are now open that I had not even considered.
„A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.“ — Walter Winchell
🎶My Song for you
Is one I am currently obsessed with. Langhorn Slim with House Of My Soul (You Light The Rooms). I hope you enjoy it as much as I do…
For more good music, go to this Spotify playlist where you can find all the songs from the Change & Evolve Letters!
📚My Poem for you
Is this beautiful poem by Mary Oliver (1935-2019)
The Summer Day
Who made the world? Who made the swan, and the black bear? Who made the grasshopper? This grasshopper, I mean — the one who has flung herself out of the grass, the one who is eating sugar out of my hand, who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down — who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes. Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face. Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away. I don't know exactly what a prayer is. I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass, how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields, which is what I have been doing all day. Tell me, what else should I have done? Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon? Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?
👀Impression
Old friends sometimes = new friends
How do you make decisions? What is important to you when you make them?
Let me know your thoughts in the comments, leave a ❤️ or send me a message. I always love hearing from you.
Wishing you a lovely day
Yours
Tanja 🤗
Change & Evolve and feel free to get in touch
Hi! I'm sure no one needs to be reminded that indecision can be just as consequential as a decision. And limiting my consideration to decisions of substantial consequence, having learned to trust my intuition in my 55 years, I can't bring myself to rely on anything else. Weighing pros and cons, as referenced by Reuben would be paralyzing and always seems to create the same dilemma presented by The Clash in "Should I Stay or Should I Go." I think my wife uses that method, and has probably saved me from myself on occasion.
By my way of thinking about things, If I had done that, I'd still be where I was 365 days ago. Instead, I found a new job, quit my old one, relocated cross country, bought a 120 year old farmhouse in need of major rehabilitation. If you put the pros and cons on paper, you would think I was a moron. But when my wife and I talk about this and the possible consequences that have yet to come to pass, her words are, "it had to be done." We talk enough, and she knows what was in my head.
Tanja - you always write such interesting posts and are the master of the simple title line. I really like the Robert Louis Stevenson quote and I suppose your post also could have been titled "consequences".- because consequences always flow from decisions and sometimes (when we are rash), the consequences can be severe.
Some make decisions using a check list of pluses and minuses but I think that it is wise sometimes to act spontaneously in response to something that is on your heart and not try to work out the details. Your mind sometimes tries to talk you out of action and it is evident from your post that it was a very significant and important decision. Thanks for sharing a little of your story which will make your readers reflect our their decisions.