I have been thinking about this a lot in the past few weeks.
There are more than seven billion people on this planet and they all have their own unique reality - quite overwhelming when you think of it this way.
We are so quick in our judgment of others, applying our very own reality of things to what we see, hear and experience - which is probably normal - sometimes trying to impose our reality on someone without having all the information (for whatever reason) and more often without trying to walk in the other person’s shoes (or moccasins). This is what so often leads to misunderstandings - sometimes with devastating consequences.
I am the first to admit that this is an issue I still struggle with when it comes to people I love and truly care for. As soon as emotions are involved it naturally becomes challenging. I think we can consent though that we want the best for the people in our lives that we love and care for and we can probably also consent that we need to get a grip on our arrogance of believing we know what this person should or should not do. We can be there with advice (when it is called or asked for) and we can be the listener and a strong shoulder when needed.
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” — Lao Tzu
And even if we cannot always comprehend the reality of another person, it is essential that we try to appreciate this reality to get a better understanding of the people we care for. You are probably already guessing where this is going...
TADA!!! And now add a little drum roll...
Of course, it keeps coming down to ...
Is it getting old or boring? Well, if it is then you might be in big trouble. Any human relationship is dependent on finding a good way to communicate. But it gets tricky when you do not understand the reality that other people live in and vice versa. The best way is to ask questions and to follow up if you understood what was said correctly. And if you listen mindfully and not just listen but actually hear that person, you might eventually begin to grasp someone else's reality. When understanding others, it makes it so much easier to be understanding and actually understand.
But where there are people communicating, there will inevitably be misunderstandings and arguments, anger, frustration, and sometimes even resentment and hurt feelings. So another essential quality you need when getting to know another’s reality and for others to understand yours is...
when those misunderstandings get in the way. For some reason we tend to hurt the ones we love the most, often because our own emotions simply overwhelm us or because we feel utterly helpless - sound familiar? That is why it is so important to forgive others and even more important (and so much more difficult) to forgive ourselves. For some, this comes easily and for others, it just doesn't. When in doubt, just ask yourself if it is worth it to bear a grudge and be resentful or if it is worth beating yourself up... Most of the time it isn't and is a waste of precious lifetime and energy.
Once in a while, it is good to put yourself in the position of someone else. It doesn't only make someone else’s life so much easier, you benefit just as much - especially in a relationship!
"We have two lives and the second begins when you realise you only have one." — Mário de Andrade - My Soul Has A Hat
If you take into consideration how challenging it can be to unite just two realities, you can possibly imagine how much more difficult this is on a larger scale - especially when the gap between realities, as we are experiencing now and for over two years, is getting bigger and bigger. The bigger this gap becomes, the more difficult it will be to close it again.
Naïve as I am, I still believe that good will triumph in the end and that love is stronger than hate and good is stronger than evil. It is this faith that keeps me fighting - even if only on a very small scale, with the few possibilities I have - and I will only stop when I am forced to. We all have a voice and we should use it!
“Love cures people - both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it.” — Karl A. Menninger
🎶My Song of the Week
For more good music, go to this Spotify playlist where you can find all the songs from the Change & Evolve Letters!
📚My Poem of the Week
Is by Emily Brontë (1818-1848)
No Coward Soul Is Mine
No coward soul is mine No trembler in the world's storm-troubled sphere I see Heaven's glories shine And Faith shines equal arming me from Fear O God within my breast Almighty ever-present Deity Life, that in me hast rest, As I Undying Life, have power in Thee Vain are the thousand creeds That move men's hearts, unutterably vain, Worthless as withered weeds Or idlest froth amid the boundless main To waken doubt in one Holding so fast by thy infinity, So surely anchored on The steadfast rock of Immortality. With wide-embracing love Thy spirit animates eternal years Pervades and broods above, Changes, sustains, dissolves, creates and rears Though earth and moon were gone And suns and universes ceased to be And Thou wert left alone Every Existence would exist in thee There is not room for Death Nor atom that his might could render void Since thou art Being and Breath And what thou art may never be destroyed.
👀Impressions
Is this stunning photo of the full moon my son took in Tutzing!
If you would like to connect with me, find out more about the Enneagram and yourself, and how it can transform you and your life, I would be happy to take the time for a speed coaching call that you can reserve right here go to my website or simply hit reply and get in touch with me directly.
Wishing you a fabulous start to your weekend and just let me know your thoughts!
Yours
Tanja 🤗
I have to admit I am not very good at this. I find it much easier to put myself in other's shoes in my professional life than I do in my domestic one.