THE "WHAT IF'S"
CAN HAUNT YOU
“You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit.”
– Oscar Wilde
If you don’t watch out, those WHAT IF’S can cause one or the other sleepless night and it may be a bit along the lines of what I wrote a while ago about life being too short for regrets.
Do you remember when you were a child and the big people around you always knew what was going to happen no matter what stupid idea you had? Do you also remember how it bothered you that they were right at least 95% of the time? Did it stop you from doing it? I can as always only speak for myself, but it rarely stopped me because there was always this nagging feeling that I could be one of the 5% where they were wrong and it would all work out in my favour – heavens, was I wrong most of the time… And yet it rarely (or never) stopped me from trying anyway.
“Some of our important choices have a time line. If we delay a decision, the opportunity is gone forever. Sometimes our doubts keep us from making a choice that involves change. Thus an opportunity may be missed.” — James E. Faust
I always had an insatiable curiosity, the need to understand things and to make my own experiences – I was always hungry for life! Don’t get me wrong, I do have my very own what if’s that haunt me once in a while but most of the time I tried to avoid them and I also tried to give my children the same opportunities. As a mother that loves her children to the moon and back though, it is so much more difficult to let them make their own mistakes. Your natural instinct is to spare them pain and difficulties. But is that the right thing to do?
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I did not want to raise my children to be afraid of trying things in life (even the stupid things – as long as they were not too dangerous). I did not want them to look back on the what if’s in their lives full of regret. Oh, I do tell them what will happen (and guess what, I am usually right…) but I let them try it anyway. I gave them both a picture, very early on, that will most likely never leave them. I gave them the picture of me standing on the sidelines with a big first aid kit, ready to help, but only when it really hurts and the injury needs attention. After all, we do need to learn from our experiences and mistakes. I love that they know what they want at a very young age and that they live and don’t just survive.
Unfortunately, I am one of those who obviously learn the hard way. I find it difficult to give up on things (or people) I am truly passionate about (loyal to a fault). That has often in my life been a cause for pain and sorrow. But when it did work out, it was always worth it and I did not have the nagging what if’s to deal with.
But how do you know when to let go of something (or someone)? How do you find that right moment to give up and move on?
As always there is no one answer to these questions as it depends on the situation, what is at stake, what you are willing to possibly sacrifice, how important it is to you, and how much you are willing to invest with the risk of losing it all. A good indicator is when the good times do not make up for the bad times any longer.
So eventually, you need to know when to let go. Sometimes it takes longer, often even too long. But the good news is that it is never too late. Here is a scene from the film “My Best Friend’s Wedding” that I want to share with you because – at least in some relationships – it is a great answer:
For a long time in my life, I was chasing after someone that was not chasing after me… That feeling of moving on and leaving those what if’s behind… Liberating and like a very heavy weight has been lifted off you!
“Fortunate people often have very favorable beginnings and very tragic endings. What matters isn't being applauded when you arrive - for that is common - but being missed when you leave.” — Baltasar Gracian
🎶My Song of the Week
For more good music, go to this Spotify playlist where you can find all the songs from the Change & Evolve Letters!
📚My Poem of the Week
Is another by T.O.W.
What If
What if in life you missed your best chances
For adventure, for love, and for romances.
What if you let fear dictate your actions,
Missing out on the greatest satisfactions.
What if you made the wrong choices
Filled with regret hearing those voices
Telling you you did it all wrong and it taunts you
Then the what if‘s will forever haunt you!
👀Impressions
We had a stunningly beautiful full moon 🌕 on Tuesday and the photo does not really do it justice but I wanted to share it anyway.
If you would like to connect with me, find out more about the Enneagram and yourself, and how it can transform you and your life, I would be happy to take the time for a speed coaching call that you can reserve right here go to my website or simply hit reply and get in touch with me directly.
Wishing you a wonderful start to your weekend and I very much look forward to your feedback and comments!
Yours
Tanja 🤗