THE PERFECT PARTNER 💘

IS LOOKING FOR SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THE SOLUTION?

Today my letter is about a topic that is on so many people’s minds that I speak to and if you are in a happy and fulfilled relationship, this week’s letter may not be for you - or perhaps you might enjoy it anyway. It is about finding the perfect partner or what that actually means and I’m having a bit of fun with it.

I know many of you are more used to and possibly interested in my more critical posts and I do enjoy writing these but today I felt like writing something a little more light-hearted.

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I have talked to so many singles and I have quite a few singleton friends - female and male - and many of them have something in common. They are looking for that perfect partner, the perfect match, THE ONE!

What do most men and women expect of the perfect partner?

    Men want:                                Women want:

A Lover                                  A Lover

A Nurse                      A Doctor

A Cook                                   A Cook

A Cleaner          A Handyman

A Confidant                           A Confidant

A Mother                               A Father

A Comforter                          A Comforter

A Saint                                   A  Saint

A Sinner A Sinner

A Companion                        A Companion

Strength                                 Strength

Sensitivity                              Sensitivity

A Friend                                A Friend etc.

Of course, I realise that todays headline may sound hideous at first, but when you think about it, it’s actually what could be the perfect solution to finding Mr. or Mrs. Right!

Men and Women essentially want the same thing – often just not at the same time and this is where is starts to get tricky. But honestly, who can fulfill all these needs? The next issue is that you need to know when your partner needs which personality of you.

It always comes down to these GREAT EXPECTATIONS, the expectations of perfection.

So I come back to my initial question… Is looking for someone with multiple personalities the solution to finding the perfect partner?

“Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it.” — Salvador Dali

Of course, it is not but wouldn’t it be great? I am not a shrink so I don’t know for sure, but I doubt you can trigger a certain personality at will when you need it. So I guess this is not the solution either.

So what is? Honestly, I really don’t know and if I did I would probably be filthy rich.

But I do love simplicity. So the simplest thing, in this case, is… (imagine the dramatic drumroll here, please)

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C O M M U N I C A T I O N

WHAT A SURPRISE!

But what do you need to communicate with a potential partner? That can actually be quite simple as well, only that we usually do not ask the essential questions when we get involved with someone. The reasons for that are:

1. We see everything through rose glasses in the honeymoon phase, when we are freshly in love we don’t even think to ask some of those essential questions.

2. We are afraid – as everything is fresh, happy, and new – to scare that someone away by possibly asking the ‘wrong’ or even ‘uncomfortable’ questions.

3. We simply don‘t know what to ask.

We are all equally insecure and have our fears – some just are better at hiding their vulnerability.

So what could some of those important questions be?

1. How much time do you want to spend with your loved one in a partnership? This may sound like a strange question at first but think about it… What if you want to spend 24/7 with your partner if possible, live and work together and he/she wants to see you once a month?  You see where I am going…

2. Depending on your age, the question about children is an important one (try not to ask that on the first date though…)

3. What are your expectations in a relationship?

4. Is it ok not to share all the same interests?

5. How is the relationship with ex-partners?

6. Are there children, and if yes, how often do you see them? Is a new partner to play a role in their lives?

7. Is jealousy an issue?

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Of course, the questions can be different for everyone and I am sure there are many more. So find what is really important to you and just ask away… Please always remember that your partner is most likely not a mind reader and does not have a crystal ball to know what is important to you - especially in the beginning.

We are always so afraid of what we might lose that we forget what we have to gain.

“Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.” — Ann Landers

So the reason why it is so important to talk about these things is simply to find the common ground you may have to build a long-lasting, happy, and healthy relationship – unless of course, you are in love with being in love and are in search of one honeymoon phase after the other…

And let’s face it, there is no such thing as a perfect partner. We are all flawed and I believe that we would be bored out of our minds with someone at our side that is perfect all of the time. Also, this would put so much pressure on us to also be perfect all of the time. I suppose in the end we all need to find someone that is perfect for us, someone with whom we are willing and able to find the compromises that don’t change who we are.

Always choose your battles wisely. Even if you win your battles, you could still lose the war.

“You're not looking for perfection in your partner. Perfection is all about the ego. With soulmate love, you know that true love is what happens when disappointment sets in - and you're willing to deal maturely with these disappointments.” — Karen Salmansohn

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🎶My Song of the Week

A beautiful song by Ann Peebles - Trouble Heartaches & Sadness

For more good music, go to this Spotify playlist where you can find all the songs from the Change & Evolve Letters!

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📚My Poem of the Week

Is by W.B. Yeats (1865–1939)

He Wishes for the Cloths of Heaven

Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

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👀Impressions

Going for a swim…

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Let me know your thoughts in the comments or send me a message. I very much enjoy hearing from you.

Wishing you a fabulous weekend.

Yours

Tanja 🤗