THE BOY IN THE MAN

OR THE MAN WITH THE CHILD IN HIS EYES

Sep 30, 2022

What is the most desirable quality in a man? As always I can only speak for myself and you may think I am completely mad (and you are right as I probably am and always will be). The title of this post pretty much gives away what this quality is, but what does that actually mean and why is the BOY IN THE MAN so desirable and even irresistible (at least to me)?

“People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing.” — Dale Carnegie

I have written extensively about relationships in my newsletters and this post will most likely fit more or less into that category, although it might be a bit more personal. I never had a specific idea about the man of my dreams. I never really had a certain type. Many of my friends when asked can immediately come up with a very clear picture of the ideal man, woman, or partner, especially what looks are concerned. I was somehow never quite able to do that and looking back on past relationships I very often, at least when it comes to looks, would never have taken a second glance (and most of the time probably not even a first one) at the men I had a relationship with. It was always something else that captivated and attracted me to a man. The most exciting quality, apart from a beautiful mind, seems to be the BOY IN THE MAN. It can be something in his smile or something in his eyes that makes my knees go weak. A combination of both is a real killer!

“Go forward in life with a twinkle in your eye and a smile on your face but with great purpose in heart.” — Gordon B. Hinckley

Perhaps you have seen this in a man (or a woman) and it may even be that you were the one to bring that out in him, that twinkle in his eyes, or that special something in his smile. It is that look that makes him appear very much younger than he is, even boyish no matter what his age. It is that spark in his eyes when you know he is happy and has this insatiable lust for life, and possibly for you. It is the kind of man that doesn’t take everything or himself too seriously and is actually living and not just surviving.

“You must have a twinkle in your eye, a naughtiness – and the audience must realize your mind is working faster than your words.” —Jeremy Brett

A man that still has the boy inside of him knows how to play and will do things with you that are outside of most men’s regular comfort zone. He will dance with you in public, kneel in the middle of a street to tie your shoes for you, he will sing to you, read to you and recite poetry and not be ashamed to do any of it. He will run around with you, play tag and hide and seek, not being bothered making a fool of himself. He will be open to new ideas and will at (many) times drive you absolutely crazy – most of the time in a good way but definitely not always.

“I believe in kindness. Also in mischief. Also in singing, especially when singing is not necessarily prescribed. — Mary Oliver

When this man smiles at you you can immediately see the mischief in that smile and that is just such a beautiful sight. I know that some people say that men never grow up, they just get bigger and in some cases, I would agree. This is NOT the kind of man I am talking about here. I know there are a lot of men out there that are boys in the body of a man but they are possibly suffering from Peter Pan syndrome, but that is a different story.

Don’t get me wrong, the BOY IN THE MAN doesn’t mean that he’s immature, which is not very desirable or that he is in any way irresponsible, quite the contrary. I am talking about a man that has not lost his playfulness and his hunger and lust for life. I had the pleasure to talk about this subject with someone who has devoted himself to the topic of playing and I can only recommend you check out his website here. I would rather describe the BOY IN THE MAN as someone that has not forgotten what it is like to be a boy or a child and to enjoy himself.

“Here, start living moment to moment totally and intensely, joyfully and playfully — and you will see that nothing goes out of control; that your intelligence becomes sharper; that you become younger; that your love becomes deeper. And when you go out into the world, wherever you go, spread life, playfulness, joy, as far away as possible — to every nook and corner of the earth.” — Rajneesh

So, the man I am referring to is one that has not lost the twinkle in his eyes or the spark in his heart. He has managed to preserve his playfulness and remembers what it is like to have fun and enjoy himself. But most of all he is a man that can still be amazed by the little and big wonders in this world. He has not gone blind to the beauty around him and can be fascinated and intrigued.

“If you can wear the hard times of your life as furrows on your brow, you can wear the good times as a twinkle in your eye.” — Robert Breault

I had the great privilege to have once met a man with a very special twinkle in his eyes and it was there every single time I saw him. He still had the BOY IN THE MAN and it was one of the most wonderful things I have seen in a man - ever. And one of the saddest things was when I saw that the spark was gone. The eyes went dull and the boy seemed to have disappeared. Perhaps this happens when we lose something, or when we fear change, or I just did not trigger that spark any longer. I hope every single day that the twinkle has come back to his eyes and the spark in his heart is reignited – at least that is how I will always see and remember him.

🎶My Song of the Day

For more great music, go to this Spotify playlist where you can find all the songs from the Change & Evolve Letters!

📚My Poem of the Day

I again chose a beautiful poem by Ella Wheeler Wilcox (1850-1919), who holds a very special place in my heart!

The Speech Of Silence

Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when published

The solemn Sea of Silence lies between us;
   I know thou livest, and thou lovest me;
And yet I wish some white ship would come sailing
   Across the ocean, bearing word from thee.

The dead-calm awes me with its awful stillness.
   No anxious doubts or fears disturb my breast;
I only ask some little wave of language,
   To stir this vast infinitude of rest.

I am oppressed with this great sense of loving;
   So much I give, so much receive from thee,
Like subtle incense, rising from a censer,
   So floats the fragrance of thy love round me.

All speech is poor, and written words unmeaning;
   Yet such I ask, blown hither by some wind,
To give relief to this too perfect knowledge,
   The Silence so impresses on my mind.

How poor the love that needeth word or message,
   To banish doubt or nourish tenderness;
I ask them but to temper love's convictions
   The Silence all too fully doth express.

Too deep the language which the spirit utters;
   Too vast the knowledge which my soul hath stirred.
Send some white ship across the Sea of Silence,
   And interrupt its utterance with a word.

👀Impressions

This is one I stumbled across a couple of days ago and it was taken in Lisbon a few years ago - a beautiful city!

If you would like to connect with me, find out more about the Enneagram and yourself, and how it can transform you and your life, I would be happy to take the time for a speed coaching call that you can reserve right here go to my website or simply hit reply and get in touch with me directly.

Happy weekend to you all and don’t lose your twinkle!

Yours

Tanja 🤗

Change & Evolve Letter