SCARS
THE VISIBLE AND INVISIBLE
We all carry them, even if we often don’t speak of them and don’t show them in public. Some of these scars are visible nonetheless,
others are not!
In the course of our lives, we hurt ourselves or we get hurt. I keep hearing about people who claim they have no "baggage" and I always have to smile when I hear that.
I believe we all have our baggage and it usually does not get less with age… So how do you deal with all that baggage you have collected throughout your life?
There are several options as to what you can do:
a. You leave it on the baggage carousel hoping that someone will come and take it away and destroy it – good luck!
b. You take it off the carousel and schlepp it around with you, hoping it will somehow take care of itself – spoiler alert, it usually doesn’t!
c. You take it off the carousel and start sorting it out step by step and get rid of as much of it as possible and keep the rest.
Option a. is usually a really bad idea. Since when does some knight in shining armor come along to solve all your problems? Ignoring your baggage will only ensure that you are stuck and will not move forward in your life, making you feel like a hamster on a wheel – going absolutely nowhere… Sometimes ignorance can be bliss but rarely when it comes to your own life.
Option b. is not much better than option a. – although slightly less naive. When you keep schlepping the same old baggage with you it will at some point weigh you down and make you utterly miserable. You may even carry it as a trophy, justifying failure, self-pity, and even bad behavior. You follow a pattern and even make yourself comfortable, snuggling into your access baggage. The trouble is that at a certain point that load of baggage becomes so enormous that it threatens to overwhelm and smother you. Don’t ever let it get that far. I know what I am talking about…
At a certain point, I went for option c. For so many years I carried my sad stories around with me, victimizing and justifying myself. At a certain point, I even bored myself to death with it and was ashamed that I had used them as excuses on so many occasions. I got over it (well a lot of it), I worked through it (hell yes, it’s painful), and I got help where I could not cope alone (that sometimes felt humiliating, which in retro perspective was just in my head).
“A really strong woman accepts the war she went through and is ennobled by her scars.” — Carly Simon
I simply made a decision, the decision to take my baggage off the belt and start looking through it, taking a step back and trying to approach it without the constant nagging emotions connected. At first, this was absolutely overwhelming but I just took out one piece at a time and defined if I need to work on it or with it or if it can just be filed under “experience”. I also made the decision to not use my baggage as an excuse for the things that have gone wrong in my life anymore - that was probably the toughest part of the process.
Does this process ever end?
I think not, at least not as long as you actually live your life. You will always have things that stay with you forever - those are the scars that usually cannot be seen but that can break open again once in a while. But I believe it is important to try and not let that pain out on others. And if you do, help them understand why you are reacting the way you do. We all have things in our lives that trigger reactions – the good and the ugly ones - possibly causing those scars to bleed again. It can be a song, a scent, the way something is said, and any number of others things that can set you off. If you expect understanding from others it is your job to help them understand you, the real you!
The baggage that you are schlepping around with you is usually not all negative and I believe it is important to concentrate on the good and understand and work through the ugly. Understand yourself a little better and the most important part is to be (sometimes brutally) honest with yourself.
If you would like to connect with me, find out more about the Enneagram and yourself, how it can transform you and your life, I would be happy to take the time for a speed coaching call that you can reserve right here go to my website or simply hit reply and get in touch with me directly.
“God will not look you over for medals degrees or diplomas, but for scars.” — Elbert Hubbard
Just don’t let the ugly define your life and who you are… Own your scars and never be ashamed of them. If you cannot carry your baggage alone, find someone to help you carry it, sort through it, and if necessary help you get rid of it. You always have a choice (even if you cannot always see it right away)!
🎶My Song of the Week
Is one of my favorite songs by Annie Lennox - A Thousand Beautiful Things
For more good music, go to this Spotify playlist where you can find all the songs from the Change & Evolve Letters!
📚My Poem of the Week
Is by T.O.W.
Resilience
Whatever life may throw at you
You battle through, that’s what you do
Whenever you feel you cannot go on
Dig deep and you will feel you are still strong.
You can conquer all that brings you down
Figure it out even if you feel you will drown
Coming out stronger than you ever were
Knowing your resilience was always there.
👀Impressions
Just yesterday at the Baltic Sea and today already on the way home again...
Have an amazing weekend and own your scars and your baggage!
Yours
Tanja 🤗