PRESENCE OVER PERFORMANCE 🎭
WHY DOING LESS OFTEN ACHIEVES MORE
There is this particular kind of fatigue that doesn’t come from overwork but from overextension — the exhaustion of being everywhere and nowhere at once.
For years, I mistook that state for ambition.
In a way, performance had even become my armour.
Every task completed, every meeting led, every message answered — proof that I was needed, that I was still in motion, that I mattered.
But beneath the efficiency, there was a quiet absence.
I was doing everything right — except being here.
Somewhere along the way, busyness became a synonym for value.
We learned to equate constant motion with progress, availability with commitment, and visibility with relevance.
Presence — the simple act of being attentive, grounded, and connected — was quietly dismissed as inefficiency.
I see it everywhere now: leaders who confuse control with competence, professionals who mistake exhaustion for purpose, and teams who run on adrenaline instead of alignment.
We have built a culture that glorifies effort and fears pause — because stillness exposes what our speed tries to hide.
But the truth is: doing more rarely creates meaning.
It simply multiplies noise.
Presence, on the other hand, refines it.
It’s what remains when the unnecessary falls away — the clarity that turns activity into contribution.
Doing less is not a failure of ambition; it’s a sign of maturity.
It is the moment you realise that energy, not time, is your true currency, and scattering it across too many fronts bankrupts what matters most.
The Cult of Performance
Modern life has turned performance into a moral standard.
We perform our roles, our competence, even our authenticity.
We present proof of productivity as though existence alone were not enough.
There is always a metric waiting to be met — targets, engagement rates, growth indicators, the endless scoreboards of perceived success.
And underneath it all, a subtle fear: if I stop, I will fall behind.
If I’m not visible, I will disappear, or worse, become irrelevant.
The truth is, performance is seductive because it gives us control.
It tells us that doing equals progress, and progress equals worth.
But the paradox of constant doing is that it distances us from the very impact we are trying to make.
You cannot connect deeply while multitasking meaning.
I used to think stillness was indulgence.
Now I see it as discipline — the ability to stay with one thing, one person, one thought, without rushing toward the next.
The Myth of Good Intentions
There’s a saying that follows me around a lot: Well meant is not necessarily well done.
It sounds obvious, but believe me, it isn’t.
We live in a time of overhelping — of good intentions dressed as leadership.
We rush to fix, to advise, to motivate.
We respond before we understand, reassure before we reflect.
I used to think that if my intention was pure, my action would be right.
It took me years to realise that good intentions can still create chaos — especially when they become a form of control.
In many environments, what begins as care quickly turns into micro-management.
We tell ourselves we’re supporting, guiding, ensuring quality — but often we’re just soothing our own anxiety.
Good intentions, when ungrounded in trust and presence, can become toxic.
They stifle initiative, weaken confidence, and quietly communicate one message: I don’t believe you’ll manage without me.
In my own professional world, support often meant constant doing — coaching, guiding, suggesting, messaging, trying to hold everything together.
It was well meant.
But not always well done.
Because sometimes people don’t need action; they need attention.
They don’t need direction; they need space.
They don’t need you to solve; they need you to see.
Presence asks us to pause before we act — to sense, to listen, to notice what’s actually required rather than what soothes our own discomfort.
It’s uncomfortable because doing feels safer than being.
Action gives the illusion of control.
But awareness changes the outcome far more than activity ever will.
When Care Becomes Control
Once you see how easily good intentions slip into control, a quieter question emerges: Why do we do it?
Most of the time, over-involvement isn’t about others at all — it’s about us.
We step in because silence feels awkward.
We over-explain because uncertainty feels unsafe.
We hold on because letting go feels like losing relevance.
It’s not a lack of care; it’s an excess of it — untethered from trust.
Empathic people, especially, tend to confuse responsibility with rescue.
We sense discomfort and rush to alleviate it, forgetting that growth often begins in discomfort.
We mean well, but our care becomes a kind of interference — a subtle way of saying, “Let me handle your unease so I don’t have to feel mine.”
True leadership, I’ve learned, requires restraint.
It’s the ability to witness without intervening, to stay available without taking over.
Presence doesn’t mean participation in everything.
It means being steady enough to allow others to find their own rhythm — even if it looks different from yours.
Doing less isn’t detachment; it’s faith in other people’s capacity to rise.
It’s leading from trust instead of tension.
And it’s remembering that sometimes, the most respectful form of support is to simply not interrupt the process.
The Cost of Constant Doing
Busyness is one of the most socially accepted forms of avoidance.
If you’re always moving, you don’t have to feel.
You don’t have to question if your efforts are still meaningful or just habitual.
The corporate world rewards this kind of movement.
It is labeled as dedication.
We celebrate it with promotions, praise, and the illusion of stability.
But deep down, we know that constant performance is often a cover for doubt, for insecurity, for the fear of being irrelevant.
Doing becomes a distraction from being.
We run so fast that we forget why we started and where we actually want to go.
We mistake speed for substance, efficiency for effectiveness, activity for achievement.
Presence interrupts that pattern.
It slows you down enough to see what you’re actually creating.
Sometimes that clarity is uncomfortable, because it shows you how much of what you are doing is more about proving yourself and less about contributing.
Presence as the Harder Choice
Presence is not passive.
It’s the hardest work there is — because it demands you to stay awake.
To listen instead of react.
To discern instead of decide out of habit.
To resist the urge to fill every silence.
When you’re truly present, your energy becomes focused and magnetic.
You stop chasing outcomes and start cultivating influence — the kind that doesn’t require a spotlight.
People sense when you are actually with them, not just around them.
They trust that kind of leadership because it feels anchored, not performative.
It’s not about doing less for the sake of rest.
It is about doing less so that what remains has depth.
The Power of Pause
There is a quiet courage in stepping out of constant motion.
At first, it feels like a risk.
What if things fall apart?
What if people think I’m not engaged?
But the opposite happens.
Stillness creates gravity.
When you slow down, clarity speeds up.
You start making better decisions, not just faster ones.
You begin to sense which actions are essential and which are ego.
It’s remarkable how much energy returns when you stop managing everything.
How many problems resolve themselves once you stop rehearsing solutions?
Presence is efficiency at its most elegant: precision without pressure.
From Performance to Presence
The shift from performance to presence isn’t a technique.
It’s a reclamation — of awareness, of humanity, humility, and of space to breathe.
It starts small:
Leave a pause before you answer.
Ask a question instead of giving advice.
Choose silence over justification.
Let something unfold without interference.
At first, it feels unnatural.
But soon, you notice the subtle results: calmer rooms, more thoughtful conversations, less reactivity, deeper trust.
You begin to realise that leadership is not about how much you do, but about how deeply you inhabit what you do.
And you start to see how much harm well-meant action can do when it lacks awareness — how often we fix what was never broken, rush what needed reflection, or soothe what needed honesty.
Presence invites a different kind of impact: one born of attention, not effort.
Doing Less, Achieving More
When presence replaces performance, outcomes change.
People feel seen instead of managed.
Teams start breathing again.
Decisions simplify because clarity doesn’t need consensus — it just needs integrity.
Doing less becomes an act of trust: trust in yourself, in others, in timing.
It means choosing quality over quantity, truth over approval.
And while the world may still reward visible performance, what actually moves people is presence — that rare sense of being fully met, not merely observed.
It is countercultural, absolutely.
But then again, most meaningful change is.
Returning to the Human Pace
The human nervous system was never designed for constant acceleration.
We are creatures of rhythm, not velocity.
Our creativity, intuition, and empathy thrive in cycles of rest and focus, not perpetual activity.
Presence reintroduces that natural pace.
It reminds us that stillness is not the opposite of progress — it’s the source of it.
Because when you pause, you reconnect.
You notice what’s essential, what’s missing, what’s calling for attention.
You remember that leadership — real leadership — is not about proving how much you can hold, but how gracefully you can let go.
Coherence as Quiet Power
These days, I do less.
I plan more carefully, but I rush less.
I listen longer, not just to others, but to myself.
I measure success not by noise, but by coherence — the alignment between intention and impact.
When intention and awareness meet, actions become cleaner, kinder, and infinitely more effective.
That’s the paradox: presence doesn’t slow you down; it refines you.
It makes every movement count.
Well meant will never be enough without being well done —
and “well done” begins with being fully here.
🎶My Song for you
Slow Dancing In A Burning Room by John Mayer, in this beautiful acoustic version, felt like a good choice.
For more good music, go to this Spotify playlist where you can find all the songs from the Change & Evolve Letters!
📚My Poem for you
Is by Mary Oliver (1935-2019)
Today
Today I’m flying low and I’m not saying a word I’m letting all the voodoos of ambition sleep. The world goes on as it must, the bees in the garden rumbling a little, the fish leaping, the gnats getting eaten. And so forth. But I’m taking the day off. Quiet as a feather. I hardly move though really I’m traveling a terrific distance. Stillness. One of the doors into the temple.
👀Impression
A rare sight nowadays to see Hippo and Spock together…
When was the last time you caught yourself acting out of good intentions but missing what was truly needed?
What might shift if you replaced reaction with presence — if you paused long enough to see before you did?
Let me know your thoughts in the comments, leave a ❤️ or send me a message. I always love hearing from you.
Wishing you a great weekend wherever you are.
Yours
Tanja 🤗
PS. You can now also find my podcast on Spotify
Change & Evolve and feel free to get in touch
Love the writing, content, music and photos…Completely captivating! Doing nothing, just enjoying your gift from afar this morning.