OVERTHINKING 🤔

AND BEING STUCK IN OUR HEADS

I have mentioned in another Letter that I truly believe that over 80 percent of our lives take place in our heads and less than 20 percent are actually happening in reality. That estimate is probably very conservative.

“I’ve got 99 Problems and 86 of them are completely made up scenarios in my head that I am stressing about for absolutely no logical reason.” — Anon

One of the reasons for this is overthinking. We all do it, some more than others and some in an unhealthy way.

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Overthinking can be miserable. Being stuck in our own heads, we may torture ourselves for hours, sometimes days, or possibly even longer. Knowing where overthinking stems from and why it occurs can help you cope with it so much better if you are affected.

One source may be interpersonal relationships. If you are a person who cares deeply about your relationships, you may overthink when interacting with a certain type of partner - especially when they do not give you the stability and security you may need. Another involves your sense of self. You may be embarking on a new journey in your life. This could be a career change, returning to school, starting a relationship, or getting divorced. Whatever it may be, if it is a brand-new chapter in your life, it may ignite a period of significant and unhealthy overthinking. Third, you and many other people may suffer from a type of overthinking that can be described as “strange worries.” These are sometimes dark, crazy, or irrational worries that creep into your head and get stuck there for a while, especially at night.

“Do not anticipate trouble or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.” — Benjamin Franklin

“Put your thoughts to sleep. Do not let them cast a shadow over the moon of your heart. Let go of thinking.” — Rumi

I used to be someone with a tendency to overthink things, I often got stuck in my head and at times it even went as far as overthinking not only for myself but also for others. So what did I change to alleviate this? Well, for one thing, I got older and perhaps even a little wiser (I would not necessarily bet on the latter but one has hope). But I also understood how stressful and frustrating all this overthinking was and once you identify an issue it is so much easier to make a change.

So once I had realised how much time I spent in my head I did make the conscious decision to change something. It does always sound easier than it actually is as we are creatures of habit and change often takes time and discipline, two things we often do not have in abundance. Naming our patterns of overthinking and then reframing them helps improve our perspective so that we can see new possibilities and find solutions instead of hitting mental dead ends.

There were a few things that I was already doing such as meditating, journaling, being as mindful as possible, and exercising. My personal game changer was very simple really. I decided to focus on the things that I could actually control. Admittedly this was quite some time ago and as with everything, it is an ongoing work in progress.

“Sometimes you gotta stop worrying, wondering and doubting. Have faith that things will work out. Maybe not as you planned, but how they were meant to be.” — Anon

Something else that also helped me tremendously to get out of my head was to not let my past define my present and my future. That was a very conscious decision as well. My past was often difficult and even traumatic and it made me the person I am today. But I simply refuse to carry it as an excuse but instead carry it with me as an important part that has shaped me into the woman and person I am today and I do this with gratitude.

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Of course, many more strategies can be applied when you tend to overthink and make yourself miserable in the course of doing so.

Interrupting your usual pattern of overthinking or when you are lost in unhelpful or even weird thoughts can be useful to ease yourself out of an overthinking spiral. Silently saying “Stop,” or imagining a red stop sign in your mind’s eye can help break the cycle. Another option is to visualise your worries or fears as floating away in a balloon, drifting away down a stream, or drifting away like clouds - also a very good technique when you are meditating and thoughts keep popping up in your mind and you want to gently send them off when noticing them. Another technique that some like to use is to keep a rubber band or hair tie around their wrist and flick it each time they catch themselves overthinking. Personally, I am not a fan of self-flagellation, but everyone is different. Nevertheless, these techniques can support you in bringing your mind back to the present moment so you can concentrate on the tasks at hand.

This brings us to the next thing you can actively do to reduce or even stop overthinking everything. Keep your attention on solving the problem, rather than on the problem itself. Finding the solution to an issue is so much more satisfying than dwelling on the problem and going in circles. This does sometimes take courage to confront a problem head-on and to do everything possible to solve it. Once it is solved though, it will be out of your head and you have one less thing to think about.

“Rule number one is, don’t sweat the small stuff. Rule number two is, it’s all small stuff.” — Robert Eliot

Using your core values as a filter for action is a great way to overcome overthinking. Think of core values as your “why.” They are principles that guide and inform your actions, helping you to show up as your full self. Core values also act as filters to reduce overthinking. Your values give you a mental shortcut, helping to dissolve the internal tension that leads to mentally going around in constant circles.

Why not take a moment to think about your own core values? You probably know them very well and every time you catch yourself overthinking something, ask yourself what you can do that brings you closer to those values.

Challenging your thoughts and taking back control of the narrative in your head can be tough - that’s why it’s called challenging - but with a bit of conscious practice, your life will become so much easier by bringing more reality into it. So just be aware of your thoughts and focus on the present.

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At the end of the day, remember that your depth of perception and thoughtfulness are gifts. Halt overthinking and you’ll be able to reap the best of what you have to offer.

“The more I think about it, the more I realize that overthinking isn’t the real problem. The real problem is that we don’t trust.” — L.J. Vanier

So trust yourself a little more!

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🎶My Song of the Week

The first song that came to me while writing this is “Think” by the legendary Aretha Franklin, even if it has nothing to do with overthinking. I deliberately chose the version from the legendary film The Blues Brothers. I hope you enjoy it!

For more good music, go to this Spotify playlist where you can find all the songs from the Change & Evolve Letters!

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📚My Poem of the Week

Is by William Stafford (1914-1993)

Just Thinking

Got up on a cool morning. Leaned out a window.
No cloud, no wind. Air that flowers held
for awhile. Some dove somewhere.

Been on probation most of my life. And
the rest of my life been condemned. So these moments
count for a lot--peace, you know.

Let the bucket of memory down into the well,
bring it up. Cool, cool minutes. No one
stirring, no plans. Just being there.

This is what the whole thing is about. 

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👀Impressions

I truly love this time of year especially an evening in front of a roaring fire…

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Do you overthink things a lot? How do you best deal with it?

Let me know your thoughts in the comments or send me a message. I very much enjoy hearing from you.

Wishing you a wonderful Advent weekend.

Yours

Tanja 🤗

Change & Evolve