MAIN CHARACTER SYNDROME 🤳
WHEN EVERYONE IS TOO BUSY BEING FABULOUS TO LISTEN
Welcome to the Golden Age of Me
Once upon a time… This is how many stories begin. So, once upon a time, people lived their lives in relative obscurity, only drawing attention if they did something genuinely remarkable, like cure a disease or get eaten by a tiger on national television. Today, the bar for public display has been lowered to, well, existing. Society has entered the era of Main Character Syndrome: a condition marked by the firm belief that each individual is the star of not just their life, but everyone else's, or just a fancy new age way of describing a narcissist.
I have been thinking about this a lot, especially as I used to enjoy being in the limelight, thankfully in a time before social media, and now am thrilled to have my privacy. So, this piece is a (sort of) love letter to the tragically fabulous, the spiritually curated, the dramatically self-expressed citizens of the digital time and age—not to be taken too seriously. It is for all whose inner narrative reads less like a human story and more like an Oscar-winning screenplay. So grab that oat milk latte, adjust the ring light, and dive into the fabulous delusion of modern self-importance.
Act I: The Hero's Journey—Starring Me, Myself, and I
In the age of self-actualisation, everyone seems to be on a journey. Not a quiet, introspective one—but a meticulously documented, hashtag-friendly saga. Whether healing, thriving, detoxing, breaking up, starting over, or simply organising a sock drawer, everything becomes a transformational odyssey worthy of a Netflix series. Bonus points if there’s a soft-focus selfie with the caption "Just feeling all the feels today."
Narrative is everything. Jobs are no longer changed—they are leapt from. Pivots are rebranded. Even trauma appears to have acquired its very own publicist. Breakups don’t end with ice cream and catharsis—they launch podcasts. Grief becomes content. Burnout and depression become a blog series. Every wobble, a wisdom drop.
And of course, every individual stars as the protagonist. Side characters are welcome, provided they deliver poignant life lessons or a dramatic betrayal arc. Villains are necessary—they provide both conflict and engagement. Because, let’s face it, what’s a hero without a few haters?
Act II: The Supporting Cast (a.k.a. Everyone Else)
If everyone is the main character, who fills the supporting roles? Extras. Props. Cheerleaders. A revolving door of background characters summoned to validate feelings, reinforce growth arcs, or applaud glow-ups.
Conversations increasingly resemble monologues awaiting applause. Listening has been downgraded to a quaint relic. Empathy is negotiable. Compliments, however, are expected. Friends morph into followers. Any failure to engage with curated life events is grounds for passive-aggressive Instagram captions about "boundaries" and "protecting energy."
Disagreements? Not mere differences of opinion—betrayals. The failure to like a post becomes a commentary on loyalty. Reactions to a 700-word story about a gluten-free rebirth? Mandatory.
Act III: Social Media—The Stage and the Spotlight
Never before have so many had the tools to broadcast so much to so few who genuinely care. Every moment is a post. Every post, a performance. Some can make tying their shoelaces look like a breakthrough in spiritual awakening.
Social media has democratised fame and commodified identity. Authenticity is now a brand. Vulnerability, an aesthetic. Emotional turbulence? A marketing opportunity.
Then come the stories of suffering: filtered tears, curated breakdowns, cinematic overshares with mood music. Vulnerability is trending—provided it’s photogenic.
Paradoxically, the more shared, the less connected people become. The screen becomes a mirror and a mask, where users act out their roles and applaud themselves mid-scene.
Act IV: Narcissism in Empowerment Clothing
The boundary between self-love and self-obsession has all but disappeared. The culture promotes occupying space, owning truth, and voicing opinions—ideals that sometimes bulldoze others' voices in the process.
This isn’t empowerment; it’s ego with a ring light. "Living one's truth" is often wielded like a sword rather than shared as a perspective. Emotional validation becomes sacred—even when it's unmoored from accountability.
Pure empowerment uplifts the collective. Today’s individualism frequently dresses up egocentrism as courage. Algorithms favour outrage and spectacle over nuance and grace. Humility, once a virtue, struggles to get a single like.
Consider the TikToks filmed mid-breakdown. The panic attacks chronicled in real time. Moments once handled privately now double as performance. Has self-awareness improved—or has crisis management just become more aesthetically refined?
Act V: What Gets Lost When Everyone's the Star
Something valuable slips through the cracks in the performance economy: connection. Genuine listening is replaced by attention-seeking. Thoughtful reflection replaced by performative reaction. Silence becomes suspicious. Complexity, inconvenient.
Nuanced human experience—often messy and unscripted—gets crowded out by the demand for digestible drama. Quiet dignity and everyday kindness are drowned in a sea of dramatic narratives. No filter celebrates subtlety. No hashtag rewards humility.
Meanwhile, between 137-slide rebirth stories and mood-board therapy, countless small, generous, unfiltered moments go unnoticed. Those quietly offering support, living without broadcasting, and giving without expecting applause—their stories are often the ones truly worth hearing.
Act VI: The Rise of Microcelebrity Ego
Gone are the days when celebrity required mass recognition. Today, microfame is enough. A few hundred followers, an echo chamber of praise, and voilà—digital royalty.
This attention breeds expectation. Feedback becomes entitlement. Silence is passive-aggression. Disagreement, oppression. Microcelebrity culture demands that every life moment be either teachable or shareable. When reality fails to match the feed? Cue the rebrand.
New look. New vibe. Same storyline—different font.
Curtain Call: Maybe No One Is the Main Character—and That’s the Point
Here lies the final, quiet twist: maybe no one is the main character. Maybe we are all co-creators of a shared story, a symphony of overlapping arcs. Not everyone gets a spotlight—but every voice matters.
There’s no obligation to brand every struggle, monetise every emotion, or narrate every experience. Living authentically might mean logging off. Choosing silence. Bearing witness. Being present—not for followers, but for real life.
The performance stops when attention is no longer the metric of value. When meaning is found not in the curation, but in the connection. Not in the applause, but in the exchange.
The human story doesn’t need a main character. It needs more listeners, more bridges, more backstage moments where grace lives quietly.
And maybe that’s where the real magic is found.
Behind the camera. Beyond the feed. In the unposted, unpolished, and unapologetically human in-between.
Prince and David Bowie Knew…
As a reminder that this obsession with digital display and performance isn’t entirely new, here are two strikingly prophetic clips of Prince and David Bowie, both from 1999, warning us about the manipulative potential of the Internet. They were wise, and we should have listened more carefully. Their words resonate now more than ever:
▶️ Prince Warns About the Internet in 1999
▶️ David Bowie’s take in the Internet in 1999
🎶My Song for you
It had to be a song by David Bowie - Heroes from the Live Aid Concert 1985
For more good music, go to this Spotify playlist where you can find all the songs from the Change & Evolve Letters!
📚My Poem for you
Is by Thomas Hardy (1840—1928)
The Self Unseeing
Here is the ancient floor, Footworn and hollowed and thin, Here was the former door Where the dead feet walked in. She sat here in her chair, Smiling into the fire; He who played stood there, Bowing it higher and higher. Childlike, I danced in a dream; Blessings emblazoned that day; Everything glowed with a gleam; Yet we were looking away!
👀Impression
My favourite flowers are poppies and when I walked by these enormous ones I had to share them with you 🌺
Let me know your thoughts in the comments, leave a ❤️ or send me a message. I always love hearing from you.
Wishing you a peaceful weekend wherever you are.
Yours
Tanja 🤗
PS. You can now also find my podcast on Spotify
Change & Evolve and feel free to get in touch
What a fascinating post Tanja. I had never heard of the concept of "Main Character Syndrome" but you have outlined it well and of course, it is the key to all social media and getting followers. Megan Markle comes to mind! It's hard to break out of the syndrome I can see, and you have previously written comprehensively about narcissism. Unfortunately social media feeds the whole narcissist mindset and as you say the outcome paradoxically, is less connectedness. I wonder if there is a solution or whether we are all on a trajectory toward a narcissistic society under the rule of AI? I suppose it reminds us of the need for real connections which is quite difficult when everyone is so busy with their social media accounts!
I'm so tired of watching other people's fake lives. I know a woman who posted lovely photos of her Italian vacation with her husband on FB, then after coming home, cried to me on the phone how her husband ignored her or was distracted most of the time. Another friend posts photos of his feet or the ground while he bikes at midnight. Waste of time.