LIVING IN THE CLOSET
AND COMING OUT
We usually perceive someone that lives in the closet as someone who is hiding their sexuality from themselves and the world. Coming out is often difficult, painful and even traumatic for those affected.
I know that this form of living in the closet is an important topic and so much has been written about it. That is why I won’t write about it. I want to write about some of the other closets we live in and dare not come out, out of guilt, shame and fear.
“It's an odd thing, but anyone who disappears
is said to be seen in San Francisco.
It must be a delightful city and possess
all the attractions of the next world.”
― Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray
I know people who have come out very late in life and also some who prefer to stay in the closet, in hiding, rather than being who they are, who they want to be and most likely should be.
I have experienced this in my own circle of friends and it makes me sad every time people deny themselves their own happiness. Unfortunately this form of self deceit often catches up with them sooner or later, even manifesting in mental or physical illness.
The funny thing is that many people don’t even know or realise that they are living in a closet - or you may want to call it a box or any other confining space.
“Your need for acceptance can make you invisible in this world. Don't let anything stand in the way of the light that shines through this form. Risk being seen in all of your glory.” ― Jim Carrey
Living in the closet is done by more people around us than we might think and I am still not talking about sex or even sexuality (although that may be a big part of it). I am talking about people that live their lives as they believe is expected of them or the life that fits a certain mould, but not the one they want to or should live to be happy and fulfilled. I know, in theory it is always so simple but then comes real life.
Certain standards are educated into us and whether they apply to us or not is mostly irrelevant. We have to fit the mould, learn to comply, we learn not to stand out or be controversial under any circumstances - and yes, thankfully there are exceptions. In our childhood we usually do not have a choice and need to more or less comply to the people who raise us as we are simply dependant. Later in school we are requested to fit in as well. We have a standardised curriculum, standardised tests and again we need to fit the mould to become standardised people, possibly with standardised professions. Sometimes we get so stuck in this rut that we even begin to forget who we really are, making ourselves at home in the closet we were put in, often being unhappy and not even quite understanding why.
“One of the greatest regrets in life is being what others would want you to be, rather than being yourself.” ― Shannon L. Alder
Speaking of education, I would like to share with you three TED Talks by a man whom I love to listen to, simply because he is an amazing speaker and his talks on education are absolutely brilliant and legendary. I am speaking of Sir Ken Robinson, who passed away much to early last year in August. I could really relate to his TED talks and I hope you enjoy them as much as I did and perhaps they even inspire you.
His TED Talk from 2006 Do Schools Kill Creativity
His TED Talk from 2010 Bring On The Learning Revolution
His TED Talk from 2013 How To Escape Education’s Death Valley
I also want to briefly address one of his books I can only recommend to anyone who feels lost, in a box, or is living in a closet. Find your Element! This book is wonderfully written and absolutely inspiring.
“The mistake ninety-nine percent of humanity made, as far as Fats could see, was being ashamed of what they were; lying about it, trying to be somebody else.” ― J.K. Rowling, The Casual Vacancy
I was in a way living in a closet as well for a long time. I confused religion and spirituality. In doing this I denied the latter for a very long time. I think it was actually with the discovery of the Enneagram that I understood that I am a very spiritual person after all, as it opened my mind to seeing things differently and getting out of confined thinking and feeling and seeing and perceiving myself and others in a completely different light. It is still quite an amazing journey and not the only closet I was stuck in…
If you would like to connect with me and find out more about the Enneagram and yourself, I would be happy to take the time for a speed coaching call that you can reserve right here or go directly to my website.
Knowing yourself better, getting an understanding for yourself, your wants and needs, even realising that you are in a closet is one of the first steps of coming out of any confinement. It sometimes takes a lot of courage to be who you are, accept who you are and to feel that you are simply amazing!
🎶My Song of the Week
📚My Poem of the Week
This weeks poem is by the American Poet Sara Teasdale (1884-1933) who won the first Columbia Poetry Prize in 1918, a prize that would later be renamed the Pulitzer Prize for Poetry.
The Answer
When I go back to earth
And all my joyous body
Puts off the red and white
That once had been so proud,
If men should pass above
With false and feeble pity,
My dust will find a voice
To answer them aloud:
“Be still, I am content,
Take back your poor compassion,
Joy was a flame in me
Too steady to destroy;
Lithe as a bending reed
Loving the storm that sways her—
I found more joy in sorrow
Than you could find in joy.”
👀Impressions
I would like to leave you with a photo of a tree I passed on a run down to Lake Starnberg! Share the love, find your Element and be YOU!
And for all who want or feel the need to stay in the closet (or a confined space), at least make it more comfortable 😉!
Wishing you a happy weekend and feel free to give me your feedback! I always love to hear from you!
Yours
Tanja 🤗🌺
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